Thursday, June 29, 2006

He Hate Me

More Sad News

I always made fun of Nathan for being superstitious. However, I am becoming more and more convinced that God/karma/whatever is out to get me.

I am sad to announce to the Infamous Grouse community that Woonsquatuxet "Woony" The Fish has passed away. I know this comes as a shock to all. Woony surely was the strongest and most resilient of us all at 17 Thayer and will be sorely missed.

For those that did not know have the pleasure to know him, we came to know Woony when Chris won him at the Wikenden Pub last year. Apparently, Chris was not especially appreciative of these prizes as he later broke the "Amstel Light" light he won that night and failed to properly care for young Woony. Malnourished and desperate, he leaped from his home (a beer mug) only to be found on the floor motionless by Nathan later in the day. When Nathan picked him up to to throw him away, Woony, miraculously, sprung back to life, scaring Nathan out of his towel. Since then, I have taken custody of Woony and he and I have become close. We have traveled over 2300 miles together to and from Cleveland, Providence, and his final destination, Arlington, Virginia. Woony's latest move, from a plastic cup to a Nalgene bottle, proved to be his last.

Woony was a survivor. He survived Chris' negligence. He survived his apparent suicide attempt. He survived the airport X-Ray machines. He survived GladWare. He survives today in all our hearts.

I'm a survivor,
I'm not gonna give up,
I'm not gon' stop,
I'm gonna work harder,
I'm a survivor,
I'm gonna make it,
I will survive,
Keep on survivin'

- Destiny's Child

Seriously, though, I did grow attached to Woony and will miss him.

So to recap, my car has been towed and will cost me upwards of $100 to get out, I'm stuck in Cape Cod with my parents, I'll probably be fired when they realize how incompetent I am at my new job, I desperately long to have the last year of my life back, and my fish is dead.

But wait, there's more. I had $60 in overages on my last phone bill so when Cingular took the money out of my account, there were insufficient funds. Now I have to pay for the check bouncing and they might cut off my phone. Also, the key I sent to Smallberg to get my car out apparently is lost in the mail somewhere. If he can't get it out today, an extra $175 fee kicks in. I'm soooo sad.

On the other hand, Nathan seems to be doing quite well. I got this series of text messages from him yesterday:

1:04pm: i'm just going to say this: everyone in my office is drunk. $2000 lunch. it was all free. fuck yes
1:07pm: they want to play beirut
3:49pm: hey guess what
3:49pm: nevermind

Lord knows what that last message would've been. And I was the one telling him not to worry about life post-college.

Monday, June 26, 2006

He Hate Me

I'm so sorry

One of my favorite stories is of the time that me and Nathan got wasted and passed out in North Asia. The next morning, tired and hungover, we trudged back to 17 Thayer in the windy, blistering cold. On the way, Nathan explained to me how he spent the previous night vomiting in the bathroom. This would be bad enough but apparently he missed the toilet a few times and had to clean up the mess with some mouthwash he had found. Tired, hungover, and his hoodie stained with vomit he turned to me and, as only Nathan could, said simply, "I'm so sad."

Now I know how he felt.

I'm sitting in a hotel room with my parents in Cape Cod. My mom's here for a seminar and it seemed like it'd be a good idea for a final family vacation. The plan was for me and my Dad to drive from Cleveland to Arlington, VA (just outside DC) with my stuff, move it in, and then fly out to Cape Cod the next morning for a week of fun and sun.

Here's what ended up happening:
Saturday: Driving from Cleveland to DC was no problem but getting from DC to Arlington was fucking awful. What should have been a 15-20 minute drive turned into a 2-hour struggle. The Hu finally navigated us over the phone via Google Maps to Dominion Towers.

Of course, it was raining when we got there. Frustrated, tired, and wet, we moved the stuff into our room and passed out on my new floor. Hat tip to Smallberg for helping us move in and get us to the airport the next day.

We get into Cape Cod and I get a call from Smallberg - my car has been towed. It will cost me between $100 and $450 to get it out.

Monday: At this point in the post, I would like to make an apology to anyone I ever met. Spending these last two days with my parents I've realized two major things:
  1. I'm just like my parents.
  2. My parents are fucking annoying.
Here are just a few of their habits that are driving me nuts. Do any of these sound familiar?
  • Speaking only in catch phrases.
  • Repeating jokes from TV and movies that weren't particularly funny the first time.
  • Making the most mundane events sound like an adventure.
  • Expecting people to care about stuff that's either boring or irrelevant to everyone else but them.
  • Not hearing anything the first time.
  • Telling the same stories over and over again (see above).
  • General incompetence.
I've been looking for things to keep me occupied while I'm here but this a selection of the findings:
  • Birding for beginners
  • "Creature Feature" - Hear a story and hunt for a special native creature. Meet at 9am.
  • Historical reenactment of events that led up to the American Revolution
  • Fashion Show and Tea at the Osterville Library
  • Quilting Group
  • 6 Different Bingo Games Around Town
So to recap, my car has been towed and I will have to get it out with money that I don't have, I'm about to start a job I'm completely unqualified for, I'm stuck in my own personal hell, the best years of my life are past, and the people who bring joy and intellectual stimulation to my life are scattered across the country. I am so sad.

Sunday, June 25, 2006


mad libs for all! (especially mike, kartik, and adam)

in an effort to get certain delinquent members of this blog to post, i will provide them with an easy-to-format post. ed created a sort of madlib for his work bio. it is amusing when he does it, but i imagine it will be less so when i do it. thus the other contributors to this blog should try their hand.

ed's post:
"So, my name is Ed and I am the Datawaslost intern for the summer. My first duty as such is to write a bio for myself. I thought that instead of just going to the internet and vaguely plagiarizing a sample bio, I would just make a mad libs out of it. Please feel free to use this template for yourself any time.

"I am John Smith, both a loving husband and educator for over 25 years. I decided to become an educator so that I could inspire children to learn, just as my teachers fostered my love of knowledge. My favorite quote is "Knowledge comes, but wisdom lingers." -Tennyson

John Smith received the Teaching Award for Excellence from the Bower Institute for Higher Learning. He is proudest of this award because his students bestowed it upon him. The students must take it upon themselves to write an essay and nominate their favorite teacher. Of all of his thirty different awards, this one is kept in a very special place- his heart."


I am (your name), both a (romantic adjective + relationship status) and (occupation) for over (span of time). I decided to become a (occupation) so that I could (sentimental excuse/reason). My favorite quote is "(your favorite quote)." -(The quoted)

(Your name, inexplicably in the second person) received the (best thing you ever got) from (who gave it to you). S/He is proudest of this award because (more sentiment, lay it on). Of all of his/her (type of thing), this one is kept in a very special place- (the most special place you can imagine)."

Now for mine:

I am Ed, both a chronically single man and a student since ever. I decided to become an Intern so that I could put it on my resume. My favorite quote is "Ace! Rock and Roll knows no genders, boundaries or nationalities!" -Guitar Wolf

Ed received two cats from the Chicago Anti-Cruelty Society. Ed is proudest of these cats because they were a steal at only 75$. Of all of the things in his apartment, these cats are kept in a very special place, in his apartment?

Man, I really should have snuck "gazongas" in there somewhere."

my attempt...?...:

I am Nathan, both an occasionally-engaged-in-amusingly-disastrous-relationships-guy and an "Editor" for a legally imperiled technology company. I decided to become an "Editor" so that I could blog for money. My favorite quote is "All plots lead deathward." - DeLillo

Nathan received a diploma from Mary Anne Doane. He is proudest of this diploma because it was not a cheap thing like most of the other things he has gotten. Of all of his diplomas, this one is kept in a very special place - apparently in the place where they emboss diplomas.

Thursday, June 22, 2006



i really shouldn't feel like blogging, since that's pretty much what has occupied my week so far at work. but i have an affinity for the infamous grouse, seeing as it is the oldest of my three blogs at just over a year old (that's like 200 in blog-years). as many predicted, the job is indeed "fancy," especially when you account for all the free booze and food. if only it paid a bit more...

i've also discovered that one of my roommates has an enviable music collection, that i now have access to thanks to ourtunes. this is good for my listening pleasure, but horrible for my already over-burdened hard drive. when my funds are in order i may do something about this.

but not all is well these days. i noticed on the providence kickball website that the BSRmadillos suffered a humiliating defeat at their last game. they made a lot of fun of us last summer, but we mostly won. come on 'dillos, where'd the fight in you go? patch up the old papier mache beast, get yourselves some pep in the step (kick), and show the west side who's boss.

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

He Hate Me
Big Brother 7/Japanese Game Show

Just a reminder that this Wednesday at 8, CBS will air the Big Brother 7: All Stars casting special. 20 of the best former housemates will be announced as potential all-stars and 12 will be voted (6 by viewers/6 by the producers) back into the house for the season premiere in 2 weeks. Over the last 4 years, I think I've gotten a few of you hooked, if not at least intrigued, by the show. If nothing else, watch Wednesday so you can put faces to the names I've been rambling about since freshman year.

On another (but not completely unrelated) topic, this YouTube clip of a Japanese game show is one of the funniest I've seen in a while. I thought I'd seen em all by now (who could forget the Asian girls with meat strapped to their head). I don't want to give too much away but the set-up is a game show set in a library. Don't quit after the first minute either, it gets better as it goes. I won't say any more, just enjoy.

Monday, June 19, 2006

He Hate Me


In the last month I have been called "pensive" at least half a dozen times by at least a quarter-dozen people. I had never been called pensive before so I really didn't know what it meant. I though it was another word for careful or hesitant but defines it as:
1 : musingly or dreamily thoughtful
2 : suggestive of sad thoughtfulness defines it as:
Pensive is an awesome "diet punk" band from San Diego California. They have an awesome unique sound. A blend between awesome riffs and catchy lyrics. They are every fans dream, they have an AWESOME street team and are very friendly to all their fans and are intact with their core.
So basically, I've turned into the Hu.

I don't know when this happened. As I write this, I'm watching the Heat and Mavs play in the NBA finals 89-89 with under a minute left. I still remember the night of May 5 when Damon Jones (Cavs) hit that game-winning shot in OT to knock off the Wizards and I couldn't stop smiling (I have a PDF copy of the next day's Cleveland Plain Dealer - the other top story was Patrick Kennedy getting arrested). (It's now 91-91 with under 30 seconds left.)

Since I've left Providence (since I've been gone, if you will), I haven't really had a cathartic, "oh shit, I graduated" moment. (It's now 93-93 with 2.8 seconds remaining. Terry misses the GW - we're going to OT.) Has anyone else? I remember in high school, right after graduation, we walked across the "courtyard" to the "dining room" for the reception. While my classmates were content to cheer joyfully, I lost it and started screaming, "Fuck this school! I'm done with this shit! Fuck this shit!" I certainly didn't think that would happen post-Brown but I'm waiting for something to happen to get me out of this pensive state. Indeed, I am steeping here in Cleveland.

Since I've been back in Cleveland, I have settled into familiar habits. I'm working at Black Studies during the week and doing every house and yardwork task imaginable for my mom on weekends. (Mavs 98-97 with 38 secs left in OT). I'll be in Cape Cod next week with the parents (my mom's got a workshop there) and in DC with the Mike's the following week. (Heat 99-98 with 29.8 seconds left).

By far, the best time I've had in Cleveland was watching the ECW (Extreme Championship Wrestling) One Night Stand Pay-Per-View. (Mavs 100-99 with 9.1 seconds left.) I'm tellling you, this was the single greatest media event of 2006. DaVinci Code has nothing on Mick Foley hitting Terry Funk with a 2x4 wrapped in barbed-wire lit on fire onto and through a table also wrapped in barbed wire. I could write a whole 'nother thesis on that but instead I suggest you YouTube search "ECW One Night Stand" and enjoy. (Heat win 101-100, what a game). Now imagine watching that on a converted movie screen at a bar on Coventry. Now that's some fucking ambience. I don't care what anybody says, wrestling fans are some of the smartest folk this nation has to offer. From Wikipedia, some of the chants the fans at the arena directed at the wrestlers:
  • Fuck you Retard directed at Eugene (whose gimmick is that he's "slow")
  • Where's my pizza? directed at the Full Blooded Italians
  • You suck dick! directed at JBL during his promo and during Jerry Lawler's entrance.
  • She's a crack whore! directed at Lita
  • Pussy! directed at Randy Orton after leaving the ring to recover various times during his match
  • Break his ankle! directed at Kurt Angle to injure Randy Orton with Ankle Lock
  • Fuck him up, Angle, fuck him up! directed at Kurt Angle in
    his match with Orton (This chant was also used several times over the
    night, directed at different wrestlers.)
  • We want fire! chanted during the Funk/Dreamer/Beulah vs Edge/Foley/Lita match
  • You sick fuck! directed at Edge and Mick Foley after suplexing a barbwire covered piece of plywood on Terry Funk
  • This is awesome! chanted during the Funk/Dreamer/Beulah vs Edge/Foley/Lita match
Shit wasn't pensive. On the other blog I'm gonna do a longer post on the political lessons to be learned from professional wrestling but, for now, the biggest lesson of ECW ONS'06:
People love belonging to a pack. Especially one that allows members to validate uncomfortable truths that are deeper than the insensitivity they appear to perpetuate by appealing to the absurdity that underlies them. In these special moments in time, you can get a crowd to cheer for Zell Miller calling a war hero a pussy or for the Sandman beating a retard into submission.
I'm not quite sure what the parallel example is for us but I've enjoyed being a part of our pack.

Tuesday, June 13, 2006


the 13th: often a significant day

it's the thirteenth again, and again this day has proven itself to harbor significance (sometimes good, sometimes bad).

the day began with a plan: to find a cheap haircut. i have had trouble with haircuts in the past, so i've pretty much accepted the fact that i will never be satisfied with a cut. through a combination of recommendations and citysearch, i located a place that gave me a satisfying cut for a mere $13. at this point i figured that was significant enough for a 13th of the month, so i went off to find a quiet place to read the book i bought yesterday, delillo's underworld.

i did this for a bit then went along my wandering way and had a significant encounter when i stopped by a starbucks near wall st. i don't know if it would be wise to post the details of this encounter considering who might be reading this, but it involves my thoughts on social networks and (seeing as it was near wall st) business.

after leaving the starbucks i decided to wander by one of my former workplaces. on the way i saw what seemed to be a festival of some sort. it turned out to be a shoot for spiderman 3. i somehow wandered past the guards and sat down next to a pack of extras, placing me a mere ten feet from longtime celebrity crush kirsten dunst. oh man. so attractive. i didn't want to be all creepy and try to make some small talk with her, so i hung back and ate a hot dog that they were giving to the extras.

after the hot dog i noticed that sam raimi was also a mere 10 feet from me. he looks like a short version of a former employer of mine. once they were done shooting, and dunst high-tailed it out of there (much to my disappointment) the extras started going up to raimi for pictures and the like. at first i was going to take the same approach that i had with dunst (hang back), but soon found myself approaching him. having nothing much to say to him, no camera and no paper for an autograph, when i got up to him i whipped out my copy of underworld and had this conversation:

me: hi
sr: hello
me: i appreciate your work and i'm a fan of don delillo...
sr: [interrupting] wow
me: i was wondering if you could sign my copy of underworld.
sr: sure, what do you want me to write?
me: hell, i don't know, whatever.
[sr scribbles on the title page]
sr: good to meet you.
me: you too, good luck.
sr: good luck to you too.

so basically i got the director of evil dead to sign my copy of underworld. he wrote: "be responsible, be kind to others. -sam raimi"


significance abound.

if only kirsten dunst had found herself inexplicably drawn to me...

Saturday, June 10, 2006


Books, grousing, and Steven GER-rard (not Ger-RARD, as ABC would have it)

• Thanks to Rollie, I am now obsessed with cataloguing my books using Delicious Library, a great media library software program. I've logged in most, but not all, of my books--I'm at 313 right now. Soon, perhaps, I will be putting the whole thing online.

• Today would have been an overwhelmingly sports-filled day, but the Red Sox-Rangers doubleheader was rained out. Instead I just watched the England-Paraguay match this morning in an Irish pub in downtown New Haven, downing* coffee, beer, and an omelette in the process.

• I'd like to echo Nathan's plea for more posts from the other Grouse members. This means you, Michael, Brandon, and Adam.

* It's funny (if only to me) that I inadvertently wrote this, because today England substituted the inexperienced (and not particularly talented) young winger Stewart Downing for Michael Owen in the second half, a tactical switch that was as surprising as it was unhelpful.

Thursday, June 08, 2006


pain pills and an anniversary before a departure

four days have passed since this blog's one year anniversary. it's not often that a blog makes it to the one-year mark, so i guess i'm calling on gli altri to get postin'.

it's not like you guys have anything better to do right now.

i have had (superfluous) teeth removed and read various texts in preparation for my chinatown bus move to brooklyn on sunday. this has proven to be a restful week, even if the first half of it was spent in a pain/percoset-fueled delirium. i have found so much online that i want to read but haven't had time to get to all of it. i got a new t-shirt in the mail, as well as a book my new employer (i start a week from today) sent me about a notorious, sleepy predecessor.

there's something exciting about entrusting yourself and your necessary possesions to the whims of the chinatown bus. will i make it? will my bag(s) be ejected somewhere on interstate 91? how much longer will these new holes in my mouth outlive their welcome?

Thursday, June 01, 2006


Apparently the Grouse will live on after all...

May 30
Originally uploaded by cdhu.
In New Haven, there's currently a thunderstorm on, and while I imagine that the weather can't be all that different in Providence, it makes me a little nostalgic for sunny days (like this--albeit sad--one) on the East Side.

On the plus side, I can already tell that this is going to be a great summer for my reading list. I live alone, am mildly afraid to go out at night, and don't have a working TV (thus no nightly interface with 'the Nation,' even if I could get NESN here in the borderlands of Yankee territory). I've already read some good stuff, including:

- Ian Hacking in the LRB on autism
- bits and pieces of the new n+1
- this Chronicle of Higher Education article on Critical Inquiry's ranking of theorists, which includes the following passage:

The authors of the ranking, Anne H. Stevens, an assistant professor of English at the University of Nevada at Las Vegas, and Jay W. Williams, Critical Inquiry's managing editor, note that "Benjamin's works are cited nonargumentatively," which I think is a nice way of saying his ideas are just window dressing, not engaged with. That must be why he ranks high as one of the most perfectly citable authors of all, because you can cite him reverently without having to figure out what he said. With Benjamin a citation is the academic equivalent of the purely ritual move, like a ballplayer's sign of the cross.

Which only serves to remind me that I need to find a nearby bar where I can watch the Red Sox.