That's What Friends Are For

I saw this online and thought, "that's about right."

The Guy Friendship Promise:

1. When you are sad -- I will help get you drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad.

2. When you are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.

3. When you smile -- I will know you finally got laid.

4. When you are scared -- I will rag on you about it every chance I get.

5. When you are worried -- I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be and tell you to quit whining.

6. When you are confused -- I will use little words.

7. When you are sick -- Stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have.

8. When you fall -- I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.

To those I would add the following:
9. When you pass out drunk -- I will Sharpie hella dicks on your face and take pictures of me bare-assed farting on you.

10. When you get in a fight -- I'll have your back... and then kick your ass later for getting both of our asses beat down.

11. When you try to gross me out -- I will come back with something bigger and badder.

and

12. When you piss me off -- you'll know.