136.25 Hours in Cleveland (Part 2)

One of the most frustrating things about blogging is that when you have plenty of time to blog there is very little to blog about and when you are drowning in ideas, there is no time to share them. My first idea was a rambling post on several unrelated topics to be named "Big Brother 6, Eatonomics 2, LeBron 3, You're Fxcked 2, and John Q." Here is what I had finished before I was once again unable to finish a post:

"So I was jerking off the other day when Nathan knocked on the door. Now that I have your attention, let me see how long I can keep it. I've often remarked that when you start talking you have a maximum of ten seconds to pique someone's interest before you lose their attention. As hard as it is to get that attention in the first place, its harder to keep. My unusually low attention span has certainly been tested by both of my daily 1hr 45min classes. I bring this issue up becuase this will be an unusually long and meandering blog post and I always feel the need to be self-referential.

I'll start with the topic that probably interests the fewest of you: reality TV. For the most part this summer, its sucked. Usually at this point I have 3 or 4 shows I watch religiously and a few others I keep up with but up until this week my only appointment television has been BoSox games and the Daily Show. Thankfully, things have begun to pick up. MTV's Real World: Austin and the 70's House are solid disidentification/Schadenfreude TV for any college student. NBC's "Average Joe" and Bravo's "Being Bobby Brown" offer similar pleasures for all ages. VH1's Surreal Life 5 should also provide much trife.

However, it is clear where all my attention is focused right now. Big Brother 6 premiered last Thursday to solid ratings overall and compulsive obsession to the BB faithful. BB, DR, FOTH, ChenBot, PB&J, PoV, and HOH have once again joined the lexicon of those of us that put our lives on hold for three months to enjoy the backstabbing, knife-wielding, lying, cheating, and loving of the houseguests."

So now that I've provided several cliffhangers, let me try to incorporate the answers into my experience in Cleveland. So let me continue where I left off...

Friday, 7:30 AM - After 7 hours sleep (that's 11 hours sleep out of the last 48), I wake up and ride with LaJuan to the final ceremony at the lower school. At this point the 6th and 7th grade speeches are complete but the more important 8th and 9th grade speeches are in shambles. Once we arrive, we work non-stop revising and re-writing speeches and hunting down disks and printers with which to output them.

10:30 AM - Though writer's block, computer problems, a severe time crunch, and discussions of the signification of the fart threaten to keep us from our goal, we manage to crank out some pretty decent speeches (thanks in part to the Hooters story). There is now less than 2.5 hours until the closing ceremony and the students haven't even seen the speeches that they are about to give. I decide the 9th grade speech still sucks so I cross out entire sections and make the speecher navigate through the maze of proofreading marks I've provided him.

The bigger issue is the 8th grade speech. The speech moves from a serious quote to silly antecdotes to the Hooters story back to serious resolution. This kid would have to put in an amazing performance on this speech to make these tough right turns and deliver these lines with the right attitude and we gave it to him at the 11th hour.

12:15 - Furious practicing with all the speechers is yielding so-so results. It is now 45 minutes to showtime and problems are abound:

• One kid has a line about a teacher where he says, "If you mess up, he'll mess you up." Unfortunately, he's delivering it too fast so it sounds like, "If you mess up, he'll F you up."
• All of the speakers are racing through their speech.
• The 8th grade keynote speaker has not had a chance to practice on the mic and parents are beginning to stream in.

At this point, the most important thing is the 8th grade speech. Originally, it was stilted and impersonal but its actually pretty good now that we've added the Hooters story. The right turn into the Hooters story, the delivery of the story, and the right turn out of the story are crucial.

So once again, in true 24 fashion, instead of wrapping up my points I've just provided more cliffhangers. On that note, let me add a couple more. In this series expect to hear: your name, an explanation of every decision you've ever made, what meal plan you should choose, what you should do Saturdays and Thursdays at 8pm and Tuesdays at 9pm, several more references to farting, deep thoughts about life and death, and what I was jerking off to when I was interrupted by Nathan. beep BEEP beep BEEP beep BEEP beep BEEP...