136.25 Hours in Cleveland (Part 1 Complete)

Correspondent to the Infamous Grouse
Reporting from Cleveland Heights, OH

A while back, the Hu sent me a link from the NY Times travel section about the author's 36 hour journey through Cleveland. The following is my journey over my four-day weekend across the Rock and Roll city:

Thursday
5:40PM - Arrive to Cleveland Hopkins airport to meet the parents. It is 94 degrees outside. Regardless, the city is a welcome retreat.

6:30PM- It is decided that we will have Hunan on Coventry that night. After having decided on a medley of deliciousness, we call to discover that Hunan is on summer break. As Nathan well knows, the asians at Hunan work hard 11 months out of the year but unfortunately take July off.

7:15PM - We finally decide to have Hot Sauce Williams -- home of the greasiest, most distingustingly delicious chicken wings (and ugliest paint job) around. I arrived to find that there's a Wednesday special of 4 legs and 4 thighs w/ sauce for $5.29 and cum on myself a little. Though it may be delicious, this is black folk we're talking about so it takes about 20 minutes for them to complete the order. It was worth it.

10:20PM - We flip between Joe Scarborough (who my mom claims looks like a comic book charachter) on MSNBC and Greta Van Susteren (who I claim looks frightening) on Fox News. After some Daily Show action, we retire to bed.

Friday
7:45AM - Wake up to get ready for REACH. For those of you that don't know REACH is a program for middle-school students that I've either been a student or faculty member in for the last ten years (since 1995). I ride with my friend LaJuan to the Lower (Elementary) School where the students are practicing for tommorrow's closing ceremony. As I walk in the director of the program is on the mic and announces to the assembled crowd my entrance. Most seem happy to see me. Highlights are:

• Hearing that on Olympic day, the students went out to the track for the first time in about five years and kids were vomiting from the intense heat and one kid had to be sent to the hospital.
• Seeing that in addition to our choir director that we have a choreographer that one teacher described as "jazzy." Another teacher (and fellow Brown student) referred to her as the "saggy ass woman" who "looked like her anus was dragging on the ground." This year the kids are singing "Shining Star" by Earth, Wind, and Fire (w/ hand movements and all) in addition to the regular Lift Every Voice and Sing and such.
• Being reminded that the more things change, the more things stay the same. Holliday's stuck at the Excel program. The old men are still old. The trifling kids are still trifling. Life moves on.

11:05PM - We drive to the Upper (High) School for the rest of the day's activities. The kids eat snack and recieve their Olympic Day awards as I go up to see my ninth-grade English teacher Ms. Fazio (who is most notable for formetly having a crush on Donald Rumsfeld). I am happy to report that she's moved to the Blue side and finds herself having to restrain herself from strangling her Republican students. Apparently, according to her students, the Enron execs were innocent victims in the downfall of the company; they blame "that whistleblower woman." Seriously.

11:45 - We head to Chipotle for burritos. It is a damn shame that we don't have one of these on Thayer Street. Once there, I see a former classmate of mine with whom I'd watched several Wrestlemania's. It's nice to be back among the pussy-less.

1:25 - I visit my old film and video class. My old students take great pleasure in telling me how much more fun they have with their new teacher. As irrational as it may sound, its comments like that that make me feel the most loved and appreciated. I've always believed that insults are more loving than compliments.

2:10 - The fun begins. Every year at the closing ceremony (now 23 hrs away) students from each of the grades give speeches on their Reach experience. They are usually done by Reach institution, White boy Will. However, like I, he has left the program after many years of service. And it shows in the speeches. They're all fucking awful. I always gave Will a hard time for basically writing their speeches for them but now I know why he does. It's time to go to work.

5:30 - After three hours of re-writing speeches, they're still a mess. Panic begins to set in. The speeches are stale and black folks don't so stale. However, we do find a story for the speech that we can work with. Apparently when the students went to DC for their 8th grade trip, they stopped off at a Hooters and had a bit of an adventure. It is decided that this story (minus the mentioning of "the restaurant) will become the centerpiece of the speech We head home for the night.

7:30 - We revive the tradition of gossip and wings at Champps. Though we missed karaoke night, its always good to hear about the trife that others have gotten themselves in. Will was I went over the speeches and he pretty much ripped them apart. It became clear that the success or failure of the closing ceremony would depend on our work in the next 18 hours.

PART 2 to come once back I get back to Brown...