the infamous grouse

a tree grows in brooklyn, no longer

2006-12-02T17:27:00.000-05:00

they're cutting down the tree outside our apartment door. oddly, all i can hear is a chainsaw, angry spanish, and the screams of a small child.

Victory

2006-11-20T17:36:00.000-05:00

I've been meaning to do a post-election wrap-up and comment on a lot of stuff but, as Nathan put it, "Time is a bitch."

So far we've won 29 seats in the House and lost none. Six races are still outstanding. We'll most likely lose all of those. There's so much backstory to all 35 of those seats that I can't blog about but hopefully I will see all of you over the next month and can give you the rundown on those and the other trife of the last few months. I just got confirmation that I can leave town so here's the plan for The Victory Tour:

Wednesday, November 22: Fly to Cleveland for Thanksgiving
Saturday, November 25: Fly back to DC to move out of my apartment
Saturday, December 2: Fly to Providence for my triumphant return to Brown
Wednesday, December 13: Fly from Providence to San Francisco

Adjust your plans accordingly.

In order to whet your appetite, here's a good account of what went down from the Chicago Tribune reporter at the DCCC on Election Night:

A large erasable board, divided into some 80 squares for various House districts, dominated one wall in the DCCC offices on election night. Interns rushed to update results, prompting cheers or moans from the assembled staffers.

When a winner was declared in a race, the interns outlined the square in red marker. As the number of red squares grew, the magnitude of the Democratic gains became clear and an unfamiliar mood of jubilation overtook the staffers.

For Emanuel--ensconced in an office with friends and family--the board represented the culmination of two years' work. Every number reported the fate of a candidate he had recruited, cultivated and come to know.

Televisions were scattered throughout the DCCC offices and common areas. At 11:08, CNN's Wolf Blitzer intoned, "We can now project that the Democrats will be in the majority in the House of Representatives." Emanuel seemed momentarily dazed, hugging his brother Zeke and kissing his wife. Six minutes later, Speaker-to-be Nancy Pelosi, looking jittery and happy, walked from the room where she had been watching the returns into Emanuel's office.

Emanuel roared, "Fellas--Madame speaker!" Pelosi and Emanuel hugged, rocking gently together for a few seconds. Brian Wolff, a staffer who worked for both Emanuel and Pelosi, called out, "Mission accomplished!"

At that moment, Sen. Barack Obama, who had campaigned relentlessly for House candidates, called to offer congratulations. "Barack," Pelosi said. "Thank you, thank you, thank you for all that you did." She walked back to her office muttering, "I gotta call my brother."

As Pelosi made her way through the DCCC staffers, some applauded, then more joined in and everyone rose in a whooping standing ovation. "This is so much better than losing," a staffer said to no one in particular.

Emanuel walked out of his office into the ecstatic throng and hopped on a desk.

In a few minutes, in front of the cameras, he would strike a conciliatory note about his opponents, and in the days that followed he would stress how both parties needed to work together for what was best for the country.

But at that moment, Emanuel would not, could not censor his glee, or restrain his distaste for the defeated Republicans.

For weeks they had been boasting that their program for turning out voters in the campaign's final 72 hours would swamp all his work. The voters had made those statements look ridiculous.

"I'll tell you this," Emanuel shouted out to his staff. "The Republicans may have the 72-hour program. But they have not seen the 22-month program!"

"Since my kids are gone, I can say it: They can go ---- themselves!"

On an unrelated note, a couple things I found blogworthy:

I saw this in the NY Times and thought of Adam:

Thomas Pynchon’s new novel, “Against the Day,” reads like the sort of imitation of a Thomas Pynchon novel that a dogged but ungainly fan of this author’s might have written on quaaludes. It is a humongous, bloated jigsaw puzzle of a story, pretentious without being provocative, elliptical without being illuminating, complicated without being rewardingly complex.

The novel plays with themes that have animated the whole of Mr. Pynchon’s oeuvre: order versus chaos, fate versus freedom, paranoia versus nihilism.

and from realityblurred.com:

Mo’Nique will host Charm School for former Flavor of Love women
Flavor of Love is getting yet another spin-off. VH1 will air Charm School, a competition between women from both seasons of Flavor Flav’s show. The winner will win the title of "Charm School Queen" and win a to-be-determined cash prize.

[...]

The show does not yet have a debut date, so it’s unclear whether it will air before or after Flavorette (which is apparently now called I Love New York) the spin-off that will follow New York as she chooses a suitor from a group of crazy men.

This reminds me of a classic headline from The Onion:

Mo’Nique Know She Look Good

the end of this post = "time is a bitch"

2006-11-16T22:19:00.000-05:00

not many people post to this blog anymore and that is sad. but thankfully there is still liquor and beer to fuel an occasional post.

i've been thinking about matsuzaka, listening to sufjan stevens, watching the new episode of the oc (my room mate like that show. hey paul, thanks for reading, i know you love that thing) and (finally, after 3 months) finishing that book about nostalgia. an unfortunate four way intersection. kind of like the perfect storm. not the real thing, which i was in, mind you. no, like the movie where all the hell on earth converged on the north shore. we just called it "the october no-name storm" but since the book came out we've had no choice but to call it the "perfect storm." oh well. anyway, these things get me thinking about the past. my past. not yours.

will matsuzaka sign with the sox; will i regret that? why each of sufjan's albums remind me of a distinct period of time in the past 2-3 years when i don't really like him all that much? why did svetlana boym have to relate nostalgia to a post-communist immigrant experience? that is nothing i can relate to! this is about my nostalgia! not brodsky's!

this one song reminds me of two years ago today when i was likely sitting in a cinder block walled room at brown staring out my window at another wall - this one made of brick.

i feel like this year's been more continuous than the last few, but how the hell did is get to be almost thanksgiving again?

oh right, because time is a bitch.

2006-11-09T23:38:00.000-05:00

so much to blog

but it is all unbloggable

a shame

11 Days To Go

2006-10-27T15:28:00.000-05:00

I've been waiting to make my official election prediction until I felt sure. We've all been burned too many times before. This time, I'm sure.

I'm making predictions on the exact number of seats I think we'll pick up as well as a standard deviation estimate for those of you that want a more nuanced version. Remember math scholars, there's a 68% (~2/3) chance the actual results will fall within one S.D. and a 95% chance the results will fall within two S.D.'s.

SENATE
Needed For Democratic Takeover: +6

My Prediction: +5
(OH, PA, MT, RI, and MO)

Standard Deviation: +/-1

One Standard Deviation (4 to 6 seats)
-1: Lose Missouri or New Jersey
+1: Win Virginia or Tennessee

Two Standard Deviations (3 to 7 seats)
-2: Lose Missouri and New Jersey
+2: Win Virginia and Tennessee

Ohio (Brown (Dem) over DeWine), Pennsylvania (Casey (Dem) over Santorum), Montana (Tester (Dem) over Burns), and, of course, Rhode Island (Whitehouse (Dem) over Chafee) gives us 4 of the 6 seats we need.

Assuming we hold New Jersey (Menendez (Dem) over Kean, Jr), we would have to win 2 of the following 3 states to take the senate: Missouri (McCaskill (Dem) v. Talent), Tennessee (Ford (Dem) v. Corker), and Virginia (Webb (Dem) v. Allen). The Michael J. Fox/Rush Limbaugh feud should push McCaskill over the top in Missouri. That's five.

The Webb/Allen and Ford/Corker race won't be determined by Iraq, Katrina, Health Care, Bush, Foley or any other "major issue." These are referendums on race in America. Can Allen get away with "Macaca" and allegedly sticking a decapitated deer's head in a black family's mailbox? Can Ford survive the jungle music and "has sex with white women" ads run against him? I think the answers are yes to Allen and no to Ford.

Prove me wrong White America. Prove me wrong.

HOUSE
Needed For Democratic Takeover: +15

My Prediction: +21
Abbreviations are state and district number (i.e. Patrick Kennedy is RI-01)
(AZ-08, CO-07, CT-02, CT-04, FL-16, IN-02, IN-08, IN-09, KS-02, NC-11, NM-01, NY-24, NY-29, OH-15, OH-18, PA-06, PA-07, PA-10, TX-22, WA-08 and WI-08 are Dem pickups. No Republican pickups.)

Standard Deviation: +/-4

One Standard Deviation (17 to 25 seats)
-4: All of the above minus KS-02, OH-18, WA-08, and IN-09
+4: All of the above plus OH-01, OH-02, NY-26, FL-22

Two Standard Deviations (13 to 29 seats)
-8: All of the above minus KS-02, OH-18, WA-08, IN-09, CT-04, PA-10, FL-16, and PA-06
+8: All of the above plus OH-01, OH-02, NY-26, FL-22, KY-04, IL-06, VA-02, and NH-02

Alright this is where I make my money, here we go:
I won't go through all of these races but here are a few to watch.
Arizona-08: As I detailed previously, the crazy Republican won his primary so this one is essentially a freebie.

Colorado-07: This is the seat where Republican Radical Rick is running. He wants to mandate that high school kids control the border and called Social Security un-American.

Florida-16: This is Mark Foley's former seat. Though he's (obviously) not running again, his name must remain on the ballot. That means his Republican replacement (Joe Negron) has to get people to vote for Foley on the ballot to vote for him. Freebie #2.

Ohio-15: At a 17 Thayer St. party a girl came up to me and said her mom was running for Congress. Her mom is Mary Jo Kilroy, the Democratic challenger. Her mom's gonna get elected.

Penn-07: The FBI just raided the Republican incumbent (Curt Weldon)'s house. This is also the guy that wanted to take a secret trip to Iraq to find the weapons of mass destruction.

Penn-10: The Republican incumbent (Don Sherwood) actually had to run a campaign commercial apologizing for cheating on his wife but denying that he choked his mistress.

Texas-22: Tom DeLay's old seat. DeLay's name can't be replaced on the ballot so the Republicans will have to write in their candidate. If the name was Dan Smith, that would be hard. The name is Shelley Sekula Gibbs. Freebie #3.

So basically, we may not be the Harlem Globetrotters but we're running against the Washington Generals.

into the...printosphere?

2006-10-24T18:11:00.000-05:00

a quick note: you should look at a copy of "fast company" - the one that's out now. then turn to the column called "best blogs" where another blog of mine is called "savvy - if occasionally academic."

i don't know how they've managed to miss the good ol' IG though.

20 Days Left

2006-10-17T17:41:00.000-05:00

On November 7th, the Democrats will re-take the House of Representatives (thanks in large part to The Joy Padgett Page, The (Deborah) Pryce Is Not Right, The Truth About Charles Taylor, Radical Rick O'Donnell, and Rubber Stamps Jim Gerlach and Dave Reichert).

On November 15th, I get fired.

On November 19th (or so), the "Republicans Hate Me" tour begins with a stop-off in Cleveland for turkey and sweet potato pudding.

On November 30th (or so), the tour continues with my triumphant return to Brown University.

On December 12th (or so), I will depart Providence for a pilgrammage to the home of our new leader (Speaker-elect Pelosi), San Francisco.

Plan accordingly.

The Final Countdown

2006-10-05T09:46:00.000-05:00

There are 33 days until the 2006 election.

That means there are about 67 days until I make my (hopefully) triumphant return to Brown to relive my long-lost college days. Since I've been gone*, I have been keeping up with the goings-ons primarily through the BDH. Reading this article yesterday made me particular Brown-sick:
The life and times of a Jo's employee

JWU students tell all about late-night dining

"...[A Jo's employee] added: "Some of these Brown students are complete wackos... And some are assholes, but you know what, they make the job fun."

Each cook eagerly imparted numerous stories about encounters with Brown students while on the job.

"Last year, a guy walked in (wearing) a penis costume, and he was just running around, and then right after that happened I (saw) two girls kiss and then right after that, the fire alarm went off," Robinson said. "Just like that, in one sequence. It was hilarious." (BDH, 10/2/06)

I remember that night fondly. Not surprisingly, the guy wearing the penis costume was one of Eddie's pledges.

From what I can tell, these are the top developments since we've graduated:

Nathan is the University's resident blog expert.
The Ratty added alarms to the "emergency exit" doors. I now have no clue how I'm going to eat while I'm in Providence
Black people are getting beat up by the cops again. Thank god they took a break the four years I was there.

And now, just other things that entertain me:

From the Asheville, North Carolina Citizen-Times Newspaper:

credit: Special to the Citizen-Times
Someone vandalized the Madison County Republican Headquarters on Sunday, authorities said.

Does anyone think its weird that the Republican Headquarters is a mobile home?

Don't even get me started on the Mark Foley scandal. I assume everyone knows by now about the Republican congressman who had to resign after his "inappropriate" IMs and e-mails to high school staffers were exposed. But seriously, read these gems from one of these IMs (Maf54 is Foley, the teen's screen name is redacted):

[redacted screenname] (7:41:57 PM): ugh tomorrow i have the first day of lacrosse practice
Maf54 (7:42:27 PM): love to watch that
Maf54 (7:42:33 PM): those great legs running

Maf54 (8:08:31 PM): get a ruler and measure it for me
[redacted screenname] (8:08:38 PM): ive already told you that
Maf54 (8:08:47 PM): tell me again
[redacted screenname] (8:08:49 PM): 7 and 1/2
Maf54 (8:09:04 PM): ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
Maf54 (8:09:08 PM): beautiful
[redacted screenname] (8:09:38 PM): lol
Maf54 (8:09:44 PM): thats a great size
[redacted screenname] (8:10:00 PM): thank you
Maf54 (8:10:22 PM): still stiff
[redacted screenname] (8:10:28 PM): ya
Maf54 (8:10:40 PM): take it out
[redacted screenname] (8:10:54 PM): brb...my mom is yelling

[redacted screenname] (8:16:53 PM): well i better go finish my hw...i just found out from a friend that i have to finish reading and notating a book for AP english

Believe it or not that's the PG version. That just makes this commercial even more awesome:

That's bad, Foley's gotta go.

I told y'all these squirrels are aggressive and hungry. From MSNBC:
A squirrel tried to wrestle a muffin away from a 4 year old boy by biting and scratching him... as many as six people have been attacked by these squirrels in Mountainview California parks...
First Uncrustables, then the world.
And finally from the makers of Grand Theft Auto, Rockstar Games presents... Table Tennis (seriously). From the site:
"Experience the unmatched intensity of the real-life sport with an authentic physics engine and intuitive gameplay that mimics the exhilirating experience found in true international competition."

2006-10-01T20:39:00.000-05:00

On this, the evening of Trot Nixon's (possible) final appearance in a Red Sox uniform, I will cave in to Nathan's demands and post a blog entry.

As many of you already know, I live on the third floor of a row house in West Philly. I have large windows which overlook my crampt and densely populated street, so I often feel as if I'm in Rear Window. (I never feel as if I'm in a Laura Mulvey essay, for which I am grateful.) My roommate is a dancer, and about three weeks ago the New York Times published a photo of him hanging upside down in a harness. I'm playing roller hockey for the University of Pennsylvania club team, which among other things allows me to experience -- at some distance -- the intense fratmospheric pressure of Penn. I spend my weekdays dealing with difficult authors who've never heard of TIFFs or dpi. And that's about it.

To make up for my absence from the Grouse, I thought I'd list the five best books I read from June through September:

- Eric Hobsbawm, The Age of Extremes (Vintage)
Broadly focused Marxist history of the "short" 20th century which manages to be honest about the failures of communism while arguing forcefully for its historical importance.

- George Gissing, New Grub Street (Penguin)
Unfairly regarded as second-tier Victorian literature; populated by late Victorian London's literary underachievers and inflected with insightful, if unsubtle, social commentary.

- David Blackbourn, The Conquest of Nature (Norton)
Fascinating history of the many campaigns to alter the German landscape.

- Kevin McLaughlin, Paperwork (Penn)
Concise, sometimes daunting display of intelligence and sheer etymological knowledge.

- Robert Bruegmann, Sprawl (Chicago)
Argues that urban sprawl, rather than being demonized and regulated, should be appreciated as an inevitable consequence of the economic maturity of Western cities. More an "important" book than a good one, but still well worth reading.

Paperwork will appeal mostly to those who have haunted McLaughlin's office hours or have otherwise obsessed over him, but the other four are highly recommended. Also, the worst book I read in the last four months was Chris Ott's book on Unknown Pleasures for Continuum's 33 1/3 series.

official call-out

2006-09-30T21:36:00.000-05:00

mike, chris: get on your damn asses and make some contributions.

(i've given up on kartik, but don't think i will on you!)

it seems i'm no longer in school...

2006-09-19T23:26:00.000-05:00

ah, providence, the home of $2 tall-boys of 'gansett, shows at as220, and cap'n seaweeds (where you can take a piss while looking at my hometown).

except the prov looks a bit different from the 10th floor of a damn swank hotel like the biltmore and the business end of a career fair table.

this may be the mid-section of my larger work and leisure related east coast tour, but i'll leave the first leg up for a certain mr. smallberg to recount. the finale leg sees me returning to high-school regions and back to the post-college haven that is brooklyn.

i tried to tell a flapjackin' someone (happy birthday, by the way) that he and many others will find themselves living in my home borough in a matter of months, but he was in denial, just as i was a year ago tonight.

it's good to be back, but it's also good to be back and not paying for transportation, accommodations, and food.

Superish Tuesday

2006-09-13T10:02:00.000-05:00

Other than perhaps the Lieberman/Lamont Connecticut Senate primary, yesterday the most important pre-November 7 Election Day. Here are the results and my snarky commentary:

PROVIDENCE WARD 1 CITY COUNCIL PRIMARY - DEMOCRAT
CANDIDATE	VOTES	PERCENT
Seth YURDIN	641	58%
Ethan RIS	458	42%

David Segal's endorsed candidate beats Ethan Ris. Segal also won his own primary for the State House.

From the BDH:
"I'm very proud of the work we did. I want to commend Seth Yurdin on running a very hard-fought, honest campaign," Ris said.

"I can't say the same for David Segal - his negativity really set the tone for this campaign from the outset," he added.

Ouch.

REPRESENTATIVE IN CONGRESS DISTRICT 2 - DEMOCRAT
CANDIDATE	VOTES	PERCENT
James R. LANGEVIN	24659	62%
Jennifer L. LAWLESS	15211	38%

To be fair, Professor Lawless put up a pretty decent fight. But she's still a bitch.

SENATOR IN CONGRESS - DEMOCRAT
CANDIDATE	VOTES	PERCENT
Sheldon WHITEHOUSE	67851	82%
Christopher F. YOUNG	8679	10%
Carl L. SHEELER	6624	8%

Apparently Carl's campaign stop at the Infamous Grouse was not quite enough...

SENATOR IN CONGRESS - REPUBLICAN
CANDIDATE	VOTES	PERCENT
Lincoln D. CHAFEE	34407	54%
Stephen P. LAFFEY	29052	46%

The worst result for Democrats of the night. Chafee (everyone's favorite moderate) makes this seat a toss-up.

REPRESENTATIVE IN CONGRESS - REPUBLICAN - ARIZONA 8
CANDIDATE	VOTES	PERCENT
Randy Graf	23949	43%
Steve Huffman	20595	37%

The best result for Democrats of the night. Graf (a crazy conservative who once sponsored a bill to let patrons carry guns into bars) makes this a big chance for a Democratic pickup.

BIG BROTHER 7 -- ALL-STARS
CANDIDATE	VOTES	PERCENT
Mike "Boogie"	6	83%
Erika	1	16%

Best season since Season 2. By "show-mancing" Erika and convincing her that they were in love and then calling her a "ho" in the diary room, Boogie won the $500,000 and a special spot in hell. Staaaaaaaaaaaa!

LAST SUNDAY - ME AND ANGELA
CANDIDATE	VOTES	PERCENT
Kiefer	1/8	100%
Frozen Pizzas (with kielbasa on top)	2	CPK%
Instant General Tso's	Delicious	Mmm%
Flavor of Love 2	Trifling	?%
Turbins	Godly	!%

One of the best days of my life.

In other news, Smallberg's back and Nathan and Chris are supposed to come down this weekend. I don't exactly know who I'm announcing this to since they might be the only people who still read this thing. If we still have any readers, please comment and tell Chris and Smallberg to get their act together and post something.

My First Time in the Situation Room

2006-09-08T08:35:00.000-05:00

As you all know, The Situation Room w/ Wolf Blitzer has always had a special place in my heart so it is with joy and modesty that I report to you, the Infamous Grouse community:

I WAS ON THE SITUATION ROOM!

OK, to be fair, I was never physically in the situation room and they never mentioned my name or anything but they did feature my sites in their "The Situation Online" section. They showed TruthAboutTaylor.com and RadicalRick.org but unfortunately neglected to show my newest (and favorite) site, RubberStampReichert.com.

60 days til Election Day.

the prospect heights era begins

2006-09-04T18:21:00.000-05:00

i moved into the new apartment yesterday and have spent most of today making it more organized and less empty. this is a very nice place, a veritable shining palace compared to 17 thayer. its abundance of class, however, is balanced by a shortage of windows and thus natural light. i think that's why we can afford it.

not only is today labor day, but it's also west indies pride day - and in prospect heights, west indies pride day is no small affair. think of the fourth of july with a different color set and way more curried goat. i took a few strolls down eastern parkway (one block south of me) which seemed to be the main drag for the festivities, parade, etc. there are basically a lot of stands selling the aforementioned goat, fried fish, chicken, shrimp, and plantain.

as i walked around, no doubt looking more out of place than the small group of men dressed as indian chiefs, i tried to decide at which fried food stand i would eat. unfortunately every single one had a very large line. most of the people reading this blog probably know that one of the few things that can turn me away from a fine meal of deep-fried delicacies is a sizable line.

i eventually managed to find a food stand off the beaten track, but they only had rice and beans, and kabobs. so i ate them. but, like most things you eat when your innards have prepared themselves for a frystravaganza, they were unsatisfying.

so here i am, blogging in my new, underfurnished yet swanky apartment, drinking canned soup out of a beer glass because silverware doesn't show up until saturday.

So I guess its down to just me and Monco

2006-09-01T17:06:00.000-05:00

One of the perks of my job is that I get to see basically every political commercial that goes on the air through "Ad Alert" e-mails. Most are uninspring and cookie-cutter but every once in a while you hit gold. This is by far my favorite ad thus far.
John and me's political podcast (tenatively titled, "You're Wrong, But Continue") is coming soon.
My second site, radicalrick.org, launched last week. Its nothing too exciting but my next site is something else. I'll make sure that the IG gets in on the special blog pre-release.
I really love my job but I can't wait til they fire me. Let me rephrase: I can't wait to go home for some Thanksgiving cooking and then to Brown to recapture the days of my youth. I also certainly plan to do an east coast swing to see everybody there and, depending on how adventurous I'm feeling, I might do a California trip to see Baja Fresh, CPK, Red Vines, and all my other long lost west coast friends. Plan your couches accordingly.

2006-08-29T21:58:00.000-05:00

the fight is over, kids go to prison

2006-08-28T16:54:00.000-05:00

well i signed on a lease today. two floors, jacuzzi, patio, exposed brick. it's pretty nice. here's what it basically does not look like:

my job today, and for the next couple of days it seems, was to think of different ways to tell 13 year olds that they are going to jail for 3-10 years. any suggestions?

All I Got is 2 Mikes*

2006-08-22T09:57:00.000-05:00

No one's posted in a while so I'll chime in with a quick update of life in DC.

Smallberg basically got three weeks off from his job (his summer internship ended but his "real job doesn't begin for a few weeks). He's back in California in the meantime so now its just me, other Mike, and Li'l Michael McDonald (the mouse). And Angela every other week or so.

I caught strep throat this past week which is as awful as it sounds. I'm alright now but if I didn't return a phone call of yours over the last four days, don't take it personally.

My first website launched on Thursday: TruthAboutTaylor.com. There's a whole drama behind that that I'm literally not allowed to discuss in public but next time I see you guys, I'll give you the whole story.

Speaking of which, I would be surprised if I leave the DC area anytime before November 15 (when they fire me) because I'm on-call 24/7, work at least a few hours every weekend and there's no way I getting a day off except for in medical emergencies (see above). It's a lot of work. But its worth it.*

Afterwards, though, I'll definitely be hanging around Brown and Cleveland for awhile and I'm considering a cross-country trip to see everybody. Anyone else interested?

Me and John are putting together a political podcast. Details to come as they develop...

Football is so awesome.

So is Big Brother: All Stars.
Finally, if you haven't seen this yet, it is spectacular to say the least. Smallberg and Nathan have backed me up on the fact that this is incredible. You'll never think of Mario Brothers
the same way again (if you're lazy/busy, start with part 2, then go to part 1, then skip to part 5).
UPDATE (8/22): "Breaking" News
Remember this:
"It's painful that you won't sleep with me! So what? I'm in love with you! Never sleep with me again. I hate it that you have a staff of thousands and tell me you have no time for me... You treat me terribly, and I'll stay in love with you. I can't help it. It's like breathing!"
Breaking Bondauce 2 is coming this November. In the meantime, I'm catching up on all the good times from the past season on VSpot.

And here's a fun fact: according to Wikipedia, in Latin America, the show is know as "Destrozando a Bonaduce".

RIP Johnny

2006-08-10T20:05:00.000-05:00

my long-time fake facebook profile, Johnny Cash, has been "disabled by an administrator."

on this sad occasion i would like to note the following:

1. i was the first JC on the facebook

2. JC's grandson approved of the profile

3. cash mccracken, i apologize for reveling in the fact that i held cash@brown.edu for so many years. it's yours come september.

4. my other, even more secret, fake facebook profile still exists. it is not nearly as popular.

5. as the first, the most popular, and the only endorsed - thus OFFICIAL - fake facebook Johnny Cash, i choose not to excercise my natural right to endorse any other fake facebook Johnny Cash. they are not very good.

(unless cash mccracken wants to make one, how about it cash?)

------note: 8-12------

I got this e-mail in response to my request to bring Johnny back from the dead:

"Hey Nathan,

While we appreciate your feedback we must deny your request to reopen the account. When a user signs up for Facebook with an email address, the address is deemed their personal address and thus they must represent themselves truthfully as the user who owns the email address.

In addition, one of Facebook's main goals is to facilitate meaningful relationships between living people. We do not want to have a number of profiles of deceased celebrities intermingling with living users. A profile must be controlled by the person who appears on the profile.

Thanks in advance for your understanding and cooperation."

oh, lighten up facebook. haven't you ever seen night of the living dead? suspiria? clearly things will work out just fine.

at least with this profile it was the living controlling the dead rather than the dead controlling the living.

he plays the piano quite well too...

2006-08-07T21:30:00.000-05:00

mike - ever the one to keep quiet about his skills - has been blogging at his fellowship. it's good stuff with snappy headlines like "NORAD, Lies and Audiotape."

let us hope he does not forsake his blogging roots.

i, on the other hand, have been temporarily forbidden to blog for justifiable leagal reasons.

i cannot play the piano well at all.

on rabbits and lawsuits

2006-08-05T23:25:00.000-05:00

shit has gone down this week, in a largely entertaining way. i don't even know where to start. crazy brokers, heavy items, theivery, connecticut (3 times), lucero, rabbits...and, oh yeah, lawsuits. i'll save that one for last and go chronologically.

on monday i was off looking at apartments. i met this one broker on the street corner after waiting for a good 20 minutes and watching the neghborhood kids play stick ball. he showed up - a normal looking dude in his late 20s - and took me half a block down to a building where he showed me two places. the first was pretty decent and had just been spruced up something nice. i was feeling pretty ok, but it wasn't exactly a killer place. then we went across the hall to the other apartment.

i should have known things were not quite right when, before we went in, he explained at some length that he was the only broker showing this apartment because the landlord likes him. this is basically an unheard of deal in brooklyn i've been told, but the dude had keys, so i followed him in. there were dirty dishes in the sink, toiletries in the bathroom and generall clutter in the rest of the apartment. one of the bedrooms was clearly still being lived in - this girl had more stuff in there than i actually own. when i asked if they still lived there, the broker replied "no, they turned in the keys today, so if you take this you can have all this stuff." then he gets out this box and starts piling this girl's CDs into it and rumaging through her items, looking for things to take (he picked out one particular jacket "for his sister"). i tried to explain to him that this tenant had clearly not moved out yet and that he probably shouldn't take her stuff. he responded by encouraging me to have a CD or book.

massively creeped out, i went into the kitchen to get away from the guy. on the floor i saw a rabbit.

"hey, uh, there's a rabbit in here..."

"is it dead?"

"no...it's alive. i really think there's someone still living here."

"they turned in the keys today! this is my lucky day."

there was a free-range rabbit hanging out on the kitchen floor, which, according to this guy, would be mine along with the apartment. there was a litter box for it too. this was a civilized rabbit.

we left soon after, him with a box full of pilfered goods, me with a distinctly dirty feeling.

tuesday i went up to new haven to help my sister move. it was hovering around 100 degrees all day - except when the thunderstorm came - and i was moving heavy shit up and down stairs for a good number of hours. let's just say i have a mover lined up for when we get our place, paul.

wednesday was fun. saw alex's band.

thursday was quiet. did my laundry.

friday my company got sued. went to providence.

i suppose i can't say i'm surprised. this could be a good thing and give me greater control over my work, or it could leave me on the street handing out resumes, if not those little cards advertising adult entertainment clubs.

it's good money i hear.

due to the nature of my position i've been receiving a significant quantity of e-mails. it's all just wait and see right now.

then, tonight, i saw lucero...on a boat. they were less drunk than usual, so played a surprisingly slick set, but the crowd started to get on my nerves as i sobered up.

i have no idea what to expect from this coming week.

Triflin'

2006-08-03T13:33:00.000-05:00

I'm at work like twelve hours a day so I think I'm allowed to goof off and watch stupid shit. Be it clips of my Big Brother hero, crazy Japanese game shows (see below), or the most trifling show of 'em all, Flavor of Love 2. Y'all have no idea how hard it is for me to contain my laughter while I'm watching this craziness. Two girls get into a catfight and try to pull out each other's weavhttp://theinfamousgrouse.blogspot.comes within the first five minutes and it only gets better from there. The high point may be one of the girls in the fight praying to Jesus: "Lord please forgive me for beating this bitch ass." When the other girl tries to say something, the praying girl goes, "Girl you better quit interrupting my prayers before God direct me to whip yo' ass."

I'm now into my second month of cable TV withdrawl so "Flavor" is very helpful to me right now. VSpot is going to have all of the shows online the Wednesday after they air for 48 hours. The premiere episode is (obviously) already online so you should check that out now. Whether you saw the first season or missed out, if you want to see some superb text on discourses of Trife, I suggest you watch. And wait til you see the surprise twist at the end. It's something.

Some of my favorite quotes thus far:
"There's some lesbians in the house, and that's a bit much."

"In order to get to the top of things, you gotta get to the bottom of things." - Flav

"I'm 'Sumthin', bitch!" - Sumthin'

Kartik always said you don't want to get a Black woman angry...

2006-08-01T15:03:00.000-05:00

This has been all the talk of DC:

Damn.

UPDATE (8/2): Nothing can top Elanor Holmes Norton v. Colbert (especially at the end where it looks she's gonna bitch-slap him) but this is a worthy contender. God I wish they had Japanese game shows in America:

uh oh

2006-07-29T23:29:00.000-05:00

well today featured a first and many non-firsts. i went to party, saw an umimpressive apartment: non-firsts. i missed the solo/acoustic show by the lucero singer/guitarist, ben nichols: a first. it was fucking sold out.

i've learned my lesson.

it was disappointing, but a combination of things made me not too mad: i wasn't feeling wily enough to sneak in, they're playing on a boat next saturday, and i got a hold of the tracks of their new album today and am not as impressed as i'd hoped.

what? nathan not shellacking univeral praise on lucero? no!

it's true. the new album doesn't have quite the quiet punch of their self-titled release, nor the raw rockingness of nobody's darlings, nor the balance of that much further west.

don't get me wrong, it's still good, but my expectations had reached such a level that i suppose it would be hard to meet them. i can say this though: these songs will kick some serious ass played live. so i'm looking forward to august 5th and the rocking it will bring on a boat.

time to not be awake anymore - got some more apartments to not be pleased with tomorrow.

p.s. mike, i sent you a text message.

Let Me State On This The Record

2006-07-28T17:17:00.000-05:00

Annie's Blog is absolutely amazing and one of the best reads in the blogosphere. You guys MUST read her "On the plus side, I'm about 3 days away from unemployment" post.

Also, Angela's back in town this weekend. We'll see if Smallberg's shoulder bone survives this time.

identity: updated

2006-07-27T20:41:00.000-05:00

it has come to this i have a new blogger picture and name. sigh. it's like i'm in hiding, though i suppose it's for the best in the long run.

any suggestions for a new name?

i was thinking something jox related, but that is clearly merceriful.

so i'll open this up to you guys, what should my new alias be?

10% battery and falling

2006-07-26T20:05:00.000-05:00

so i think someone (other than the people who normally read this blog) has managed to connect my identity across all 3 of the blogs on which i post. this has disheartened me. it's not like i tried too hard to keep them separate, but the nathan on the continuing thesis blog is pretty different from the nathan here, and both from the nathan at my blog of employment.

i think the best way to put it is this:
one nathan has stuff to say
one nathan gets paid
one nathan has probably been drinking (and inexplicably uses all lower case)

oh well.

good work whoever you are.

the apartment search continues, i met with some sketchy italian-mobster type today who showed me nothing i liked, but i had to let him down easy so as not to wake up in the trunk of his car somewhere in jersey. but seriously, i don't like railroaded bedrooms without windows, no matter where they are.

now all these weird brokers have my contact info. i fully expect to be getting calls from them for the next year or so asking if i want to see the windowless 200 square foot apartment in bed-stuy. i don't want to see it.

additionally, our internet is down right now, so i'm hanging out in a local internet/coffee place, running desperately short on battery life. i'm told this issue will be fixed on thursday.

someone installed a game cube at work.

If at 22 you are not a Green ...

2006-07-24T21:06:00.000-05:00

As I drunkenly mentioned to several people this weekend, my slide towards the conservatism of old age has begun: I'm now registered as a Democrat in the State of Connecticut.

However, if Joe Lieberman loses the Democratic primary, I'm throwing a huge party in pistol-wavin' New Haven, to which you will all be invited.

stella!!!

2006-07-19T23:39:00.000-05:00

note to our blog-reading public: do not reveal possibly sensitive secrets in the company of bloggers.

can a blogger be fired for blogging?

more on this and an eventful few weeks after sleep and other things-gone-down.

Oh What A Night

2006-07-17T13:41:00.000-05:00

This past weekend, the Towers of Dominion played host to Angela as well as Mike Sa.'s friend, Scott. Up until now, Scott was generally known to us as the guy who thought he had to fart but ended up shitting on Mike Sa.'s kitchen floor. Now he's known as the guy who sent Smallberg to the hospital.

Don't worry, the Jew is resilient and will be fine. He is resting back at the apartment and taking a well-deserved day off. Because of my various intoxicated states and the sheer amount of trife that took place in such a short period of time, I will not attempt to recount all that led to the incident and its aftermath but here's the basic story:

On Friday night, Scott challenged me to a wrestling match and obviously I did not decline. He kicked my ass. Twice. The next day, the Mike's continued to rip on me about it so I challenged them to take on Scott. Scott offered to fight without using his arms (a la our previous fights at 17 Thayer). Smallberg accepted and a violent confrontation erupts. Scott pretty much wiped the floor with him and slammed into the floor and wall on a couple occasions. The fight stopped with Scott bleeding from an opened scab and Smallberg wincing in pain.

We really didn't think anything of it until a couple hours later when Smallberg, still in noticable pain, started searching through his maps to find the closest hospital. Being the assholes we were, we didn't drive him there until we all had a few drinks. A couple hours later we finally left to go to the hospital.

As we waited in the waiting room for his X-rays to come back, we got bored. So we left. Other Mike and Scott went to go get Chinese food and Angela and I went back to the apartment and did some Keifer. On the way back to the hospital, me and Angela stopped to pick up our own Chinese food and then picked up Smallberg who was preparing to put on his sling.

Smallberg fractured his scapula. Basically, he broke his right shoulder blade. According to the American Academy of Orthapedic Surgeons:

Triangular, mobile and protected by a complex of surrounding muscles, the shoulder blade (scapula) is rarely broken. Scapula fractures represent less than 1 percent of all broken bones. High-energy, blunt trauma such as a motorcycle or car crash or falling from significant height can fracture the scapula and cause other major injuries such as broken ribs or damage to the head, lungs or spinal cord. Symptoms include:

Extreme pain when you move the arm.

Swelling around the back of the shoulder.

Skin abrasions.

So we picked up our Chinese food and it was delicious. Oh, and Smallberg will be alright -- plus he got Percocet. He got fucked up, to be sure, but he's already up and moving pretty well and should be back at 100% soon. I told you guys trife would ensue.

Turning The Corner

2006-07-14T17:27:00.000-05:00

Things are looking up.

LeBron signed a three-year contract extension with the Cavs.
My job is incredible in ways that I can't explain and am not allowed to discuss.
Angela's in town for a couple days and requisite trife has ensued.
The mouse I got from the Mike's for my birthday is adjusting well to his new home. In honor of one of the great entertainers of our time, his name is "Little Michael McDonald" or "Li'l Mack" for short.
At long last, jogging ensued.

After a tumultuous end to my 21st year, 22 has treated me pretty well.

I can't wait to get back up to Providence for a trife/hipster reunion. I can co-Project Manage this expedition but a second Manager (as well as Adam's floor) will be neccessary if we are to pull this off. Partying, East Side Pockets, and Providence Kickball are all musts.

I will leave you with this:

Dog Blamed for Hitting Woman With Truck

Friday, July 14, 2006
(07-14) 04:41 PDT Ogden, Utah (AP) --

A police dog that was left in a pickup truck with the engine running apparently knocked the vehicle into gear and ran down a woman who was walking to her mailbox.
Mary F. Stone, 41, was expected to remain hospitalized with a fractured pelvis and tailbone until at least Friday, said her husband, Paul Stone.
The dog, a German shepherd named Ranger, had been left in the truck while its handler responded to a domestic disturbance call Tuesday, police Lt. Loring Draper said. The truck's engine was on so Ranger would have air conditioning.
Draper said Ranger must have hit the shift on the steering column, putting the automatic transmission into gear. As the truck slowly rolled forward, police officers yelled to Stone, but she couldn't get out of the way in time, he said.

Headbutt2006NoRegrets

2006-07-13T17:17:00.000-05:00

Brandon has LeBron, I have

Franck Ribery

When an Italian official complains about the French team being made up of "blacks, Islamists, and communists," my heart swells with pride. And then I wonder: Which ones are the communists?

Hallelujah

2006-07-10T14:17:00.000-05:00

groustalgia / "diving"

2006-07-06T09:17:00.000-05:00

It would have been enough that Nathan stayed over at 7 Pitman Street a few nights ago. Then yesterday I had to go ahead and hear a mash-up of Blur's "Song 2" and K. Clarkson's "Since U Been Gone." I pretty much lost it.

As also regards losing, I vote F. Grosso's game winner on Tuesday against Germany as the moment of the tournament thus far. Friends of mine accuse the Italians of excessive on-pitch theatrics. I couldn't disagree, but I also think their style of play is more stylized, entertainingly improvisational than any other of the more sober, calculating West. European teams.
That said, I think spectators (often curly-haired, Queens-bred) who so fiercely rebuke the Italians and others for exaggerating their reactions to tackles hold to a ridiculous ideal of what it is to "just play the game." Under the current rules, with the current referees, and (thankfully) without the aid of instant-replay jurisdiction, one can hurt the other team through well-timed facial expressions just as much as through well-placed shots on goal.

Tennis-playing, gourmet faux-Men who dispute the courage of Portugese and Italian footballers neglect the basis of fandom--putting themselves on the pitch, imagining what it might be to collide at 20mph with a hulking, remorseless Swede. To sympathize with the players is to both honor a foul when such is committed, and also understand their impulse to wince prematurely or for too long after the tackle so as to punish the opponent (both the individual who had the nerve to even consider injuring the actor, and the whole opposing team).

Players who do actually become impaired by an opponent's foul, but do not react accordingly, and do not get a call, and "tough it out," are putting themselves at a disadvantage. On the other hand, if indeed they do "dive," players take themselves out of a potentially critical opportunity on the field. It shouldn't come as a surprise that some of the best strikers in international competition have the ability to wear such vivid faces of agony: they are like extremely young magicians, characterized as much by deceiving goalkeepers with dancing, overstepping shins (the magic trick) as deceiving referees by clutching on their thigh and cringing ("It hurts me, Mother, when you ignore my talent 4 magic: get off the phone and watch me!").

As anyone who has spent time with very young (4-5 yrs old) children knows, they are as likely to cry from a near-boo-boo as the boo-boo itself, and will sometimes just break down weeping because they are being ignored, or because they cannot get what they want. Full-grown footballers who willingly insert themselves into boo-boo ridden circumstances (dressing for the game, going in strong on an attack) cannot be held accountable for their necessarily acquiring the other pre-adolescent emotions that come with this territory. And really, when one is trying to determine the worth of a star footballer, or at least his goal scoring potential, why not begin in discerning his capacity for that maniacal self-interestedness and disregard for other people most associated with children? Great players like Portugal's Ronaldo exemplify this. How a great team comes about, well, that's another matter.

i actually bought some cheese on saturday

2006-07-03T17:09:00.000-05:00

i am in providence on what i'd like to call a nostalgia tour.

nostalgia, like wine or cheese or any other over-used comparison, gets better with age. but sometimes fresh nostalgia is thoroughly enjoyable. closer to the milk or grapes.

More Sad News

2006-06-29T09:44:00.000-05:00

I always made fun of Nathan for being superstitious. However, I am becoming more and more convinced that God/karma/whatever is out to get me.

I am sad to announce to the Infamous Grouse community that Woonsquatuxet "Woony" The Fish has passed away. I know this comes as a shock to all. Woony surely was the strongest and most resilient of us all at 17 Thayer and will be sorely missed.

For those that did not know have the pleasure to know him, we came to know Woony when Chris won him at the Wikenden Pub last year. Apparently, Chris was not especially appreciative of these prizes as he later broke the "Amstel Light" light he won that night and failed to properly care for young Woony. Malnourished and desperate, he leaped from his home (a beer mug) only to be found on the floor motionless by Nathan later in the day. When Nathan picked him up to to throw him away, Woony, miraculously, sprung back to life, scaring Nathan out of his towel. Since then, I have taken custody of Woony and he and I have become close. We have traveled over 2300 miles together to and from Cleveland, Providence, and his final destination, Arlington, Virginia. Woony's latest move, from a plastic cup to a Nalgene bottle, proved to be his last.

Woony was a survivor. He survived Chris' negligence. He survived his apparent suicide attempt. He survived the airport X-Ray machines. He survived GladWare. He survives today in all our hearts.

I'm a survivor,
I'm not gonna give up,
I'm not gon' stop,
I'm gonna work harder,
I'm a survivor,
I'm gonna make it,
I will survive,
Keep on survivin'
- Destiny's Child

Seriously, though, I did grow attached to Woony and will miss him.

So to recap, my car has been towed and will cost me upwards of $100 to get out, I'm stuck in Cape Cod with my parents, I'll probably be fired when they realize how incompetent I am at my new job, I desperately long to have the last year of my life back, and my fish is dead.

But wait, there's more. I had $60 in overages on my last phone bill so when Cingular took the money out of my account, there were insufficient funds. Now I have to pay for the check bouncing and they might cut off my phone. Also, the key I sent to Smallberg to get my car out apparently is lost in the mail somewhere. If he can't get it out today, an extra $175 fee kicks in. I'm soooo sad.

On the other hand, Nathan seems to be doing quite well. I got this series of text messages from him yesterday:

1:04pm: i'm just going to say this: everyone in my office is drunk. $2000 lunch. it was all free. fuck yes
1:07pm: they want to play beirut
3:49pm: hey guess what
3:49pm: nevermind

Lord knows what that last message would've been. And I was the one telling him not to worry about life post-college.

I'm so sorry

2006-06-26T22:46:00.000-05:00

One of my favorite stories is of the time that me and Nathan got wasted and passed out in North Asia. The next morning, tired and hungover, we trudged back to 17 Thayer in the windy, blistering cold. On the way, Nathan explained to me how he spent the previous night vomiting in the bathroom. This would be bad enough but apparently he missed the toilet a few times and had to clean up the mess with some mouthwash he had found. Tired, hungover, and his hoodie stained with vomit he turned to me and, as only Nathan could, said simply, "I'm so sad."

Now I know how he felt.

I'm sitting in a hotel room with my parents in Cape Cod. My mom's here for a seminar and it seemed like it'd be a good idea for a final family vacation. The plan was for me and my Dad to drive from Cleveland to Arlington, VA (just outside DC) with my stuff, move it in, and then fly out to Cape Cod the next morning for a week of fun and sun.

Here's what ended up happening:
Saturday: Driving from Cleveland to DC was no problem but getting from DC to Arlington was fucking awful. What should have been a 15-20 minute drive turned into a 2-hour struggle. The Hu finally navigated us over the phone via Google Maps to Dominion Towers.

Of course, it was raining when we got there. Frustrated, tired, and wet, we moved the stuff into our room and passed out on my new floor. Hat tip to Smallberg for helping us move in and get us to the airport the next day.

Sunday: We get into Cape Cod and I get a call from Smallberg - my car has been towed. It will cost me between $100 and $450 to get it out.

Monday: At this point in the post, I would like to make an apology to anyone I ever met. Spending these last two days with my parents I've realized two major things:

I'm just like my parents.
My parents are fucking annoying.

Here are just a few of their habits that are driving me nuts. Do any of these sound familiar?

Speaking only in catch phrases.
Repeating jokes from TV and movies that weren't particularly funny the first time.
Making the most mundane events sound like an adventure.
Expecting people to care about stuff that's either boring or irrelevant to everyone else but them.
Not hearing anything the first time.
Telling the same stories over and over again (see above).
General incompetence.

I've been looking for things to keep me occupied while I'm here but this a selection of the findings:

Birding for beginners
"Creature Feature" - Hear a story and hunt for a special native creature. Meet at 9am.
Historical reenactment of events that led up to the American Revolution
Fashion Show and Tea at the Osterville Library
Quilting Group
6 Different Bingo Games Around Town

So to recap, my car has been towed and I will have to get it out with money that I don't have, I'm about to start a job I'm completely unqualified for, I'm stuck in my own personal hell, the best years of my life are past, and the people who bring joy and intellectual stimulation to my life are scattered across the country. I am so sad.

mad libs for all! (especially mike, kartik, and adam)

2006-06-25T21:14:00.000-05:00

in an effort to get certain delinquent members of this blog to post, i will provide them with an easy-to-format post. ed created a sort of madlib for his work bio. it is amusing when he does it, but i imagine it will be less so when i do it. thus the other contributors to this blog should try their hand.

ed's post:

"So, my name is Ed and I am the Datawaslost intern for the summer. My first duty as such is to write a bio for myself. I thought that instead of just going to the internet and vaguely plagiarizing a sample bio, I would just make a mad libs out of it. Please feel free to use this template for yourself any time.

"I am John Smith, both a loving husband and educator for over 25 years. I decided to become an educator so that I could inspire children to learn, just as my teachers fostered my love of knowledge. My favorite quote is "Knowledge comes, but wisdom lingers." -Tennyson

John Smith received the Teaching Award for Excellence from the Bower Institute for Higher Learning. He is proudest of this award because his students bestowed it upon him. The students must take it upon themselves to write an essay and nominate their favorite teacher. Of all of his thirty different awards, this one is kept in a very special place- his heart."

MAD LIBS

I am (your name), both a (romantic adjective + relationship status) and (occupation) for over (span of time). I decided to become a (occupation) so that I could (sentimental excuse/reason). My favorite quote is "(your favorite quote)." -(The quoted)

(Your name, inexplicably in the second person) received the (best thing you ever got) from (who gave it to you). S/He is proudest of this award because (more sentiment, lay it on). Of all of his/her (type of thing), this one is kept in a very special place- (the most special place you can imagine)."

Now for mine:

I am Ed, both a chronically single man and a student since ever. I decided to become an Intern so that I could put it on my resume. My favorite quote is "Ace! Rock and Roll knows no genders, boundaries or nationalities!" -Guitar Wolf

Ed received two cats from the Chicago Anti-Cruelty Society. Ed is proudest of these cats because they were a steal at only 75$. Of all of the things in his apartment, these cats are kept in a very special place, in his apartment?

Man, I really should have snuck "gazongas" in there somewhere."

my attempt...?...:

I am Nathan, both an occasionally-engaged-in-amusingly-disastrous-relationships-guy and an "Editor" for a legally imperiled technology company. I decided to become an "Editor" so that I could blog for money. My favorite quote is "All plots lead deathward." - DeLillo

Nathan received a diploma from Mary Anne Doane. He is proudest of this diploma because it was not a cheap thing like most of the other things he has gotten. Of all of his diplomas, this one is kept in a very special place - apparently in the place where they emboss diplomas.

30-2

2006-06-22T18:39:00.000-05:00

i really shouldn't feel like blogging, since that's pretty much what has occupied my week so far at work. but i have an affinity for the infamous grouse, seeing as it is the oldest of my three blogs at just over a year old (that's like 200 in blog-years). as many predicted, the job is indeed "fancy," especially when you account for all the free booze and food. if only it paid a bit more...

i've also discovered that one of my roommates has an enviable music collection, that i now have access to thanks to ourtunes. this is good for my listening pleasure, but horrible for my already over-burdened hard drive. when my funds are in order i may do something about this.

but not all is well these days. i noticed on the providence kickball website that the BSRmadillos suffered a humiliating defeat at their last game. they made a lot of fun of us last summer, but we mostly won. come on 'dillos, where'd the fight in you go? patch up the old papier mache beast, get yourselves some pep in the step (kick), and show the west side who's boss.

2006-06-20T00:25:00.000-05:00

Big Brother 7/Japanese Game Show

Just a reminder that this Wednesday at 8, CBS will air the Big Brother 7: All Stars casting special. 20 of the best former housemates will be announced as potential all-stars and 12 will be voted (6 by viewers/6 by the producers) back into the house for the season premiere in 2 weeks. Over the last 4 years, I think I've gotten a few of you hooked, if not at least intrigued, by the show. If nothing else, watch Wednesday so you can put faces to the names I've been rambling about since freshman year.

On another (but not completely unrelated) topic, this YouTube clip of a Japanese game show is one of the funniest I've seen in a while. I thought I'd seen em all by now (who could forget the Asian girls with meat strapped to their head). I don't want to give too much away but the set-up is a game show set in a library. Don't quit after the first minute either, it gets better as it goes. I won't say any more, just enjoy.

Lukewarm

2006-06-19T00:37:00.000-05:00

In the last month I have been called "pensive" at least half a dozen times by at least a quarter-dozen people. I had never been called pensive before so I really didn't know what it meant. I though it was another word for careful or hesitant but webster.com defines it as:

1 : musingly or dreamily thoughtful
2 : suggestive of sad thoughtfulness

Urbandictionary.com defines it as:

Pensive is an awesome "diet punk" band from San Diego California. They have an awesome unique sound. A blend between awesome riffs and catchy lyrics. They are every fans dream, they have an AWESOME street team and are very friendly to all their fans and are intact with their core.

So basically, I've turned into the Hu.

I don't know when this happened. As I write this, I'm watching the Heat and Mavs play in the NBA finals 89-89 with under a minute left. I still remember the night of May 5 when Damon Jones (Cavs) hit that game-winning shot in OT to knock off the Wizards and I couldn't stop smiling (I have a PDF copy of the next day's Cleveland Plain Dealer - the other top story was Patrick Kennedy getting arrested). (It's now 91-91 with under 30 seconds left.)

Since I've left Providence (since I've been gone, if you will), I haven't really had a cathartic, "oh shit, I graduated" moment. (It's now 93-93 with 2.8 seconds remaining. Terry misses the GW - we're going to OT.) Has anyone else? I remember in high school, right after graduation, we walked across the "courtyard" to the "dining room" for the reception. While my classmates were content to cheer joyfully, I lost it and started screaming, "Fuck this school! I'm done with this shit! Fuck this shit!" I certainly didn't think that would happen post-Brown but I'm waiting for something to happen to get me out of this pensive state. Indeed, I am steeping here in Cleveland.

Since I've been back in Cleveland, I have settled into familiar habits. I'm working at Black Studies during the week and doing every house and yardwork task imaginable for my mom on weekends. (Mavs 98-97 with 38 secs left in OT). I'll be in Cape Cod next week with the parents (my mom's got a workshop there) and in DC with the Mike's the following week. (Heat 99-98 with 29.8 seconds left).

By far, the best time I've had in Cleveland was watching the ECW (Extreme Championship Wrestling) One Night Stand Pay-Per-View. (Mavs 100-99 with 9.1 seconds left.) I'm tellling you, this was the single greatest media event of 2006. DaVinci Code has nothing on Mick Foley hitting Terry Funk with a 2x4 wrapped in barbed-wire lit on fire onto and through a table also wrapped in barbed wire. I could write a whole 'nother thesis on that but instead I suggest you YouTube search "ECW One Night Stand" and enjoy. (Heat win 101-100, what a game). Now imagine watching that on a converted movie screen at a bar on Coventry. Now that's some fucking ambience. I don't care what anybody says, wrestling fans are some of the smartest folk this nation has to offer. From Wikipedia, some of the chants the fans at the arena directed at the wrestlers:

Fuck you Retard directed at Eugene (whose gimmick is that he's "slow")
Where's my pizza? directed at the Full Blooded Italians
You suck dick! directed at JBL during his promo and during Jerry Lawler's entrance.
She's a crack whore! directed at Lita
Pussy! directed at Randy Orton after leaving the ring to recover various times during his match
Break his ankle! directed at Kurt Angle to injure Randy Orton with Ankle Lock
Fuck him up, Angle, fuck him up! directed at Kurt Angle in
his match with Orton (This chant was also used several times over the
night, directed at different wrestlers.)
We want fire! chanted during the Funk/Dreamer/Beulah vs Edge/Foley/Lita match
You sick fuck! directed at Edge and Mick Foley after suplexing a barbwire covered piece of plywood on Terry Funk
This is awesome! chanted during the Funk/Dreamer/Beulah vs Edge/Foley/Lita match

Shit wasn't pensive. On the other blog I'm gonna do a longer post on the political lessons to be learned from professional wrestling but, for now, the biggest lesson of ECW ONS'06:

People love belonging to a pack. Especially one that allows members to validate uncomfortable truths that are deeper than the insensitivity they appear to perpetuate by appealing to the absurdity that underlies them. In these special moments in time, you can get a crowd to cheer for Zell Miller calling a war hero a pussy or for the Sandman beating a retard into submission.

I'm not quite sure what the parallel example is for us but I've enjoyed being a part of our pack.

the 13th: often a significant day

2006-06-13T20:25:00.000-05:00

it's the thirteenth again, and again this day has proven itself to harbor significance (sometimes good, sometimes bad).

the day began with a plan: to find a cheap haircut. i have had trouble with haircuts in the past, so i've pretty much accepted the fact that i will never be satisfied with a cut. through a combination of recommendations and citysearch, i located a place that gave me a satisfying cut for a mere $13. at this point i figured that was significant enough for a 13th of the month, so i went off to find a quiet place to read the book i bought yesterday, delillo's underworld.

i did this for a bit then went along my wandering way and had a significant encounter when i stopped by a starbucks near wall st. i don't know if it would be wise to post the details of this encounter considering who might be reading this, but it involves my thoughts on social networks and (seeing as it was near wall st) business.

after leaving the starbucks i decided to wander by one of my former workplaces. on the way i saw what seemed to be a festival of some sort. it turned out to be a shoot for spiderman 3. i somehow wandered past the guards and sat down next to a pack of extras, placing me a mere ten feet from longtime celebrity crush kirsten dunst. oh man. so attractive. i didn't want to be all creepy and try to make some small talk with her, so i hung back and ate a hot dog that they were giving to the extras.

after the hot dog i noticed that sam raimi was also a mere 10 feet from me. he looks like a short version of a former employer of mine. once they were done shooting, and dunst high-tailed it out of there (much to my disappointment) the extras started going up to raimi for pictures and the like. at first i was going to take the same approach that i had with dunst (hang back), but soon found myself approaching him. having nothing much to say to him, no camera and no paper for an autograph, when i got up to him i whipped out my copy of underworld and had this conversation:

me: hi
sr: hello
me: i appreciate your work and i'm a fan of don delillo...
sr: [interrupting] wow
me: ...so i was wondering if you could sign my copy of underworld.
sr: sure, what do you want me to write?
me: hell, i don't know, whatever.
[sr scribbles on the title page]
sr: good to meet you.
me: you too, good luck.
sr: good luck to you too.

so basically i got the director of evil dead to sign my copy of underworld. he wrote: "be responsible, be kind to others. -sam raimi"

sweet.

significance abound.

if only kirsten dunst had found herself inexplicably drawn to me...

Books, grousing, and Steven GER-rard (not Ger-RARD, as ABC would have it)

2006-06-10T21:15:00.000-05:00

• Thanks to Rollie, I am now obsessed with cataloguing my books using Delicious Library, a great media library software program. I've logged in most, but not all, of my books--I'm at 313 right now. Soon, perhaps, I will be putting the whole thing online.

• Today would have been an overwhelmingly sports-filled day, but the Red Sox-Rangers doubleheader was rained out. Instead I just watched the England-Paraguay match this morning in an Irish pub in downtown New Haven, downing* coffee, beer, and an omelette in the process.

• I'd like to echo Nathan's plea for more posts from the other Grouse members. This means you, Michael, Brandon, and Adam.

* It's funny (if only to me) that I inadvertently wrote this, because today England substituted the inexperienced (and not particularly talented) young winger Stewart Downing for Michael Owen in the second half, a tactical switch that was as surprising as it was unhelpful.

pain pills and an anniversary before a departure

2006-06-08T18:19:00.000-05:00

four days have passed since this blog's one year anniversary. it's not often that a blog makes it to the one-year mark, so i guess i'm calling on gli altri to get postin'.

it's not like you guys have anything better to do right now.

i have had (superfluous) teeth removed and read various texts in preparation for my chinatown bus move to brooklyn on sunday. this has proven to be a restful week, even if the first half of it was spent in a pain/percoset-fueled delirium. i have found so much online that i want to read but haven't had time to get to all of it. i got a new t-shirt in the mail, as well as a book my new employer (i start a week from today) sent me about a notorious, sleepy predecessor.

there's something exciting about entrusting yourself and your necessary possesions to the whims of the chinatown bus. will i make it? will my bag(s) be ejected somewhere on interstate 91? how much longer will these new holes in my mouth outlive their welcome?

Apparently the Grouse will live on after all...

2006-06-01T20:46:00.000-05:00

May 30
Originally uploaded by cdhu.

In New Haven, there's currently a thunderstorm on, and while I imagine that the weather can't be all that different in Providence, it makes me a little nostalgic for sunny days (like this--albeit sad--one) on the East Side.

On the plus side, I can already tell that this is going to be a great summer for my reading list. I live alone, am mildly afraid to go out at night, and don't have a working TV (thus no nightly interface with 'the Nation,' even if I could get NESN here in the borderlands of Yankee territory). I've already read some good stuff, including:

- Ian Hacking in the LRB on autism
- bits and pieces of the new n+1
- this Chronicle of Higher Education article on Critical Inquiry's ranking of theorists, which includes the following passage:

The authors of the ranking, Anne H. Stevens, an assistant professor of English at the University of Nevada at Las Vegas, and Jay W. Williams, Critical Inquiry's managing editor, note that "Benjamin's works are cited nonargumentatively," which I think is a nice way of saying his ideas are just window dressing, not engaged with. That must be why he ranks high as one of the most perfectly citable authors of all, because you can cite him reverently without having to figure out what he said. With Benjamin a citation is the academic equivalent of the purely ritual move, like a ballplayer's sign of the cross.

Which only serves to remind me that I need to find a nearby bar where I can watch the Red Sox.

someone else should post too - last night in providence

2006-05-31T03:05:00.000-05:00

this is turning into "nathan is sad about graduating blog." it's more or less the truth though.

tonight is my last night in providence. empty room, sleeping bag, smashing to attend to in the morning. yes, yes, not my last night in providence since i'll be back this summer, but i won't really be "back" in any meaningful way, just as i've been "here" for four years despite months in new york, marblehead, and glasgow.

i've said goodbye to too many people, but not nearly enough, i don't like it - both the goodbyes and the quantities. i made a mix cd of nostalgia-inducing songs to listen to on the drive from providence tomorrow. mostly songs that are tied to periods in the past year. this has been a significant year. i know i often claim that it's hard to believe such-and-such time has passed since this-or-that, but imagine that sentiment multiplied many times over.
disbelief, wonder, regret, nostalgia, satisfaction, gratitude, resentment.

fuck this. delillo had it almost right: all actions lead deathward.

much to look forward to, much to look back on.

thanks guys

i make lists

2006-05-29T11:03:00.000-05:00

while cleaning/packing just now, i found a notebook that i bought in the summer of 2002. all that's in it is a packing list for my freshman year.

we marched around for a while yesterday, sat in the hot sun, and were the subject of many photos. that means we're done with college. this whole thing is slowly developing, the realization of departure that everyone else goes through. it's nothing new and nothing avoidable. as good as these years (this past year in particular) have been, time is an unstoppable bitch - the only thing to do is give up and see what happens.

why the hell did i bring this list to providence this year? setting my own nostalgia trap.

oh crap

2006-05-28T14:58:00.000-05:00

we're alumni. fuck.

we tried to look serious

2006-05-27T15:53:00.000-05:00

it's starting to hit me. baccalaureate was today

Last days of the Grouse.

2006-05-22T10:19:00.000-05:00

Slugger the Seadog
Originally uploaded by cdhu.

I've just returned from an (apparently unannounced) trip to Maine with Lisa, where, among other things, we saw the Portland Seadogs beat the New Hampshire Fisher Cats (sadly, I was wrong in thinking that they were called the River Cats--all that hilarious symmetry ruined!). I've now seen three levels of the Red Sox organization in the past year--I think I'll try to see the Lowell Spinners this summer, when I'm not busy visiting Providence or stalking Jameson in Killingworth, Connecticut.

Also, I've finished the first book on my summer reading list, Raymond Chandler's The Big Sleep. A certain someone, as usual, has something fun to say about it:

So, by a dialectical sleight-of-hand, Chandler formally mobilized an "entertainment" genre to distract us in a very special sense: not from the real life of private and public worries in general, but very precisely from our own defense mechanisms against that reality. The excitement of the mystery-story plot is, then, a blind, fixing our attention on its own ostensible but in reality quite trivial puzzles and suspense in such a way that the intolerable space of Southern California can enter the eye laterally, with its intensity undiminished.

What if Jack Bauer played in the XFL?

2006-05-19T11:48:00.000-05:00

Today, at eight minutes pass noon, I sent in my self-assessment for TA22 and officially finished the schoolwork that comprised my college career. I have not slept in nearly 24 hours and have not gotten a full night (or day) sleep in about a week so I'll do my long nostalgiac post later. For now I leave you with the conclusion from my thesis on Fear Factor: Masculinity, Power, and Televised Reality. I think you'll agree that it's very me:

Arguments about the role of the public, the media, and patriarchal/national authority pervaded the events of 2001. In January, George W. Bush was inaugurated as the 43rd President of the United States under an unclear mandate. In February, the World Wrestling Federation and NBC joined forces to launch a professional football league targeted toward young males called the XFL. In April, the league folded. In June, as I’ve detailed, NBC premiered the extreme reality show Fear Factor to ratings success and critical disgust. In September, the events of 9/11 were broadcast live to the American audience. In November, Fox premiered the action-drama 24 about a counter-terrorist agent who risks his life to save his wife, daughter, and country.

Throughout these cases, there are a number of similar themes of engagement with hegemonic masculinity, phallic power, and television “liveness” and “reality.” These diverse ideas are all connected by desires and fears necessitated by the construction, breakdown, and re-stabilization of ideological discourses. For instance, these cases all deal with (or were at least narrativized as dealing with) subjects’ encounters with the identity of hegemonic masculinity. Fear Factor’s engagement with these issues has already been thoroughly argued but this discourse is present throughout all of the examples. Certainly the Presidency of the United States is viewed as a position of power and occupational achievement consummate with hegemonic masculinity. In addition, though, the XFL’s creation (and demise) was contingent on (or, again, has at least been portrayed as contingent on) the aspirations of NBC sports chairman Dick Ebersol and World Wrestling Federation (WWF) chairman Vince McMahon to establish themselves as successful and powerful within the television industry. The events (or, again, perhaps just the popular understanding of events) of 9/11 and the storyline of 24 are both about powerful, though subordinate men (Osama bin Laden and Victor Drazen, respectively) using terrorism to proclaim power over, or at least attack the power base of, the arguable international hegemony of the United States. In both cases the President (Bush and soon-to-be President Palmer, respectively) acts as the patriarchal leader who exhibits strength through the (phallic power) challenge.

The same issues of subordinate and dominant masculinities, power as control, and resistance of feminization as a phallic power challenge arise in all these cases. What may be most interesting is that the same rules seem to apply whether discussing “real” events like September 11 (an event so “real” that many describe it as surreal or paradoxically unreal), or the “fictional” events of 24 (which, airing so soon after 9/11, had to edit its premiere episode because of a scene with an exploding airplane that was deemed too “real” for viewers). Obviously, the boundary between real and fake, especially in these cases, is exceedingly unstable. As discussed at length, Fear Factor’s position in the “reality television” genre places it directly on that border of real and unreal. In the instance of George W. Bush’s ascension to power in 2001, even today, his mandate as President remains contested over the matter of whether he “really” won the 2000 election or not.

Perhaps most guilty of traversing unsuccessfully between reality and fiction was the XFL (a transgression that, arguably, was the primary factor in its quick collapse). Though the XFL was a “real” sports league where the actual games were unscripted, a variety of elements within and around the actual broadcast of the game encompassed varying levels of unreality. The XFL’s partial ownership by the WWF, use of WWF wrestlers and announcers, as well as cross-promotion between the two brands established a dubious relationship between the new sports league and the “fake sport” of professional wrestling. Some interviews were clearly scripted (usually ending with puns or punch lines), or “faked,” depending on how one reads it, by XFL writers. Perhaps most infamous for its injection of fantasy in reality, though, the league, facing steeply declining ratings, promised viewers that they would see inside the cheerleaders locker room during halftime of the week’s nationally-televised game. After hyping the stunt throughout the game[1], the cameraman who supposedly would be the one entering the locker room, in a clearly scripted moment, was knocked unconscious by an opening door. Viewers were then shown a dream sequence of his apparent cheerleader fantasies.

The league was not just criticized for being too fake but also for being too real. For example, before the cheerleader stunt, the XFL broadcasted the live locker rooms of the competing teams during halftime. Without the contextualization necessary for viewers to understand what they were seeing or regularly scheduled spectacular moments to hold viewers attention, the halftime segments hemorrhaged viewers. It seems, then, that the relative reality or unreality of the XFL was less important in determining its commercial success than its compliance with codes of televisual reality.
For the most part, televisual reality smoothes over the contradictions and false binaries of reality and fiction through genre differentiation and the logic of the super-narrator. This allows the television industry to further its own marketing discourses of “liveness” and co-presence with our reality and provides viewers with the opportunity to act as both outside spectator of, and active participant in the televisual reality. In the case of the 2000 election, this would mean occupying the position of the interested observer of the controversy as well as active citizen/voter who is directly affected by the outcome. In the context of series like the XFL on NBC, Fear Factor, and 24, as an exterior watcher, viewers can simply enjoy the program while as a member of the (supposed) television family/democracy, they can choose to support or reject the show through their viewing options and even campaign for or against the show. In the case of 9/11, most of the country experienced the attacks both as a television viewer and as connected to the tragedy as a family member, fellow citizen, or merely fellow human being of those dying.

It is clear that, in the case all of the events mentioned, the same issues of televisual reality’s power to control our reality continue to re-surface. I contend that all of these phallic power challenges, whether they be for political, economic, social, or narrative power serve to stabilize dominant discourses (such as those regarding particular gendered notions of power) and affirm the fundamental power of televisual reality to control and (re)present our reality. Television tends to work on behalf of dominant discourses simply because those frameworks will be the most ideologically satisfying for the greatest number of possible viewers. Commercial television’s first imperative, after all, is the delivery of consumers to advertisers.

In the end, television broadcasts all of the phallic power challenges within its programs under television’s own meta-discourse—TV is actually the one with the ultimate phallic power to control our realities and knowledges. That is, television claims the power to understand, contextualize, and present our reality through its reality. Potential breakdowns in television’s ability to contain and represent, like the XFL, are quarantined as flaws within the individual program and quickly removed. Through this logic, then 9/11 would have to have been one of TV’s greatest phallic power challenges and successes. Faced with a difficult challenge, television was able to contain and narrativize the attack and proved its proclaimed worth and ability.

The selection of Fear Factor for examination may have originally appeared to be a frivolous topic given its cultural status but clearly the program points to a plethora of important societal issues. The show surely rests on problematic discourses of gender, power, and television’s access to reality. At the end of the day, however, it does provide at least one important public service (or hazard, depending on your opinion). Fear Factor reassures television viewers that in our post-9/11 world of terror threats, exaggerated claims of imminent danger from foreign powers, and 24-hour cable news alerts on possible dangers, at least within its section of the televisual world, fear really is just a textual device.

[1] The skits leading up to the cheerleader halftime-show stunt, itself, were a major transgression of the boundary between real and fake as the real WWF chairman and co-owner of the XFL, Vince McMahon acted as his “fake” character from the WWF. The line between the “real” person and the “fake” character of Vince McMahon has been notoriously difficult to draw. For instance, during a March 2001 interview about the XFL with Bob Costas, McMahon threatened and attempted to intimidate Costas in a move that was not clearly attributable to either McMahon the character or the person. McMahon, the character, is the immoral, egomaniacal chairman of the WWF—a role that originated because that is precisely who many perceived him to be in “real life.” Further complicating the lines between “real” and “fake,” the idea for the “fake” character of Mr. McMahon developed from a “real” incident in 1997 during a scripted (i.e. “fake”) wrestling match where McMahon “really” deceived a wrestler into losing his (diegetically real) title.

i do this a lot

2006-05-18T08:57:00.000-05:00

this is nothing if not a nostalgic time.

today it hit me that exactly a year ago i had my final portfolio review at the glasgow school of art. i know that it will be all too soon before i'll find myself saying, "shit, it has been exactly a year since i graduated."

Demise of the hippie rapist?

2006-05-12T11:49:00.000-05:00

Loyal Grouse readers will recall that our house was burglarized in late January, and perhaps even that we referred to the burglar--based on a story from our esteemed city councilman--as the "hippie rapist." Well, the Providence Police apprehended a serial East Side burglar yesterday, and I think he may be our guy. In fact, I'm pretty sure of it. However, the ProJo's description makes it seem unlikely that he's one and the same as the hippie from David's story.
---
Unlike Nathan, I'm not entirely done yet, but all I have left is a paper about Fredric Jameson's uses of Utopia. It's nice to be ending things on a Jamesonian note.
---
Also, I want to direct our readers to the hottest new blog on the sphere.

done, dammit, done...

2006-05-10T21:21:00.000-05:00

i'm sorry chris, but I'M FUCKING DONE WITH COLLEGE

(read chris' post below)

Patches.

2006-05-10T17:40:00.000-05:00

Josh's legitimate concerns about the real import of this issue notwithstanding, I was glad to read this in the ProJo today. Usually I think Bob Kerr is a little cheesy, but it's nice to hear someone else suggest that one can be sympathetic to Kennedy and still think that it'd be better if he chose not to run again--as well as implying that he never really deserved to be elected six times in the first place.

With Lebron, All Things Are Possible

2006-05-05T14:16:00.000-05:00

Dear State of Ohio,

You have been the site of some of my greatest joys and deepest traumas. Above all else, though, you are my one true home. I write with great respect to ask that we change out state motto from "With God, All Things Are Possible" to "With LeBron All Things Are Possible." I make this request for several reasons.
1. Though some may put Jesus at the top of their list, anyone that can hit 2 game-winning shots in the same playoff series gets my vote for "most important."

2. Jesus died on the cross and supposedly got resurrected. I've seen, with my own 2 eyes, the Cavs seem to die a slow painful death only to see the Lord save the righteous with a lay-up with 0.9 seconds left in OT.

3. Jesus has a shitload of disciples, LeBron has a guy named Flip, a Brazilian with big hair, and a center named Zydrunas.

4. LeBron - 45 points, 7 rebounds, 6 assists, 4 miracles in 46 minutes; Jesus - whatever.

Thank you for consideration,
BE

P.S. Give my congrats to Charlie Wilson (D-OH-6th district) for getting over 40,000 write-in votes to get the Democratic nomination in his House Race. Good work for someone who couldn't manage to get the 50 signatures he needed to get on the ballot in time. Alright, seriously, no more politics from here on out.

UPDATE: 5/4: P.P.S. Our government situation may be bad in Ohio (what with all the Jim Traficant's, Bob Ney's, Jean Schmidt's, and Bob Taft's) but at least we don't have congressmen drunk driving and crashing into barriers:

From the AP and ProJo:
Rep. Patrick Kennedy [that's our rep. BTW] has confirmed that he drove his car into a street-side barrier two blocks from the Capitol building early this morning.

The Rhode Island Democrat denied that alcohol played a factor in the 2:45 a.m. incident. He was not hurt...

A union official within the Capitol Police, Gregrey H. Baird, has complained to his superiors that some police officers who had responded to the incident were barred from giving Kennedy a field sobriety test, even though he was allegedly staggering.

In a letter to acting Police Chief Christopher McGaffin, Baird said that Kennedy nearly crashed into a police cruiser before the crash. Kennedy said he was late for a vote... The last vote of the night had occurred almost six hours earlier.

I always got a bad vibe from baby Huey. Y'know, sometimes I wonder if I'm supporting the wrong team. OK, seriously, no more politics starting now.

UPDATE (5/5): Kennedy just had a live press conference covered by all the cable news channels. He admits to a drug problem and that he doesn't even remember the crash. He's checking into rehab but plans to continue to serving the good people of Rhode Island.

Bush gets served by Colbert

2006-05-03T02:08:00.000-05:00

I have a 15-page paper due in in less than 9 hours but whatever.

In my last post I vowed to give up politics for the time being. Oh well. Besides my PS paper on "America Votes", my TA22 speech on why a dictator would be better than Bush, and my search for a job in DC, I stumbled across this: "Colbert rips Bush to his face."

Every year, the White House holds the Correspondents Dinner where the President pokes fun at himself and a comedian lightly roasts him. This year, Stephen Colbert was brought in to do the roasting and he did just that. I won't say anything more about it, check it out for yourself and then read some of the internet reaction (just Google News "colbert"):

BTW, game 5 of the Cavs-Wizards series (tied 2-2, first to 4 wins) is tonight at 8:30 on TNT. As the game is in Cleveland I feel it appropriate to remark,

WE MUST PROTECT THIS HOUSE!

2006-05-01T10:54:00.000-05:00

dear nathan,

do not blog after a certain number of drinks. if you can't type, you should really just cut your losses and call it a night.

-nathan

The Power of Dope*, The Promise of Justus**

2006-04-28T18:44:00.000-05:00

Yes, I'm going back to the pretentious *'s to to signify multiple meanings. This is also an especially narcissistic self-obsessed post. You've been warned.

Over the last few days, at least a half-dozen people have looked at me and commented "Is everything OK?" Basically, I've turned into the Hu ("Dude, you look like shit"*).

I don't know what it is. Let me re-phrase, I don't know what it is specifically. I feel overwhelmed by a lot of different shit including but not limited to:

1. While the Indians took 2 of 3 games from the Sawx (outscoring them 28-12, ouch), the Cavs have struggled. With their loss Tuesday night, the Cavs are now tied 1-1 in their best of 7 series with the Wizards. The conventional wisdom* is the loss was due in large part by a hard foul on LeBron from Brendan Heywood (Tar Heel*). From the WP's Micheal Wilbon:

LeBron James and the Cavaliers were having their way with the Wizards for the second straight game, leading 19-8 with 3 minutes 47 seconds left in the first quarter when... Haywood grabbed LeBron's upper body and not only stopped him from sashaying to the basket for an easy hoop, but turned his face into a mask of momentary anger and game-long frustration.

It's no coincidence that the Wizards, moments after that foul, went on an 18-0 run that wiped out a 15-point deficit and the notion that the Golden Child is untouchable and infallible. It's no coincidence that LeBron missed 18 of 25 shots and never again went to the Wizards' basket like he owned it and them.

He missed one breakaway dunk, going for the two-hand reverse where he could look back down the court and see if any Wizards were coming to take his head off. In football, which LeBron played a ton of in high school, they would have said, "He heard footsteps."

I have no doubt that the Chosen One's resurrection is inevitable. Tonight, 8:00pm, ESPN, Game 3. I believe.

UPDATE (4/29) - LEBRON IS MY LORD AND SAVIOUR. I shall not be in want.

If you missed it, LeBron almost single-handedly beat the Wizards with a game-winning shot with 5.7 seconds left.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me.

2. My suitemates from last year may remember that, in a fit of rage and trife, I burned this poster of Ricky Williams in our GC bathroom. For those that don't know, I was angry at Ricky for abandoning the Dolphins just weeks before the season began to go smoke weed. Seriously. Well Ricky's at it again. From ESPN.com:

According to various reports, Williams tested positive, likely in December toward the end of the 2005 season, for a substance banned by the league. In at least three other violations, Williams tested positive for marijuana. Several sources have claimed that the substance in the latest positive test was not marijuana.

News that Williams had failed another drug test surfaced in February, while he was in India studying yoga and holistic medicine.

Fucking hippy. Anyways, see how the Fins, Browns, Pats, and everyone re-build during the Draft this weekend (ESPN, Saturday at Noon).

3. Matt Brown is out of the RI Democratic Primary for Senate. At one point I was actually going to work for Brown. Then I realized he was unelectable and, well, boring. After his fundraising "issues" and blowing all his money months before it would matter, it seems like someone finally pulled him aside and told him he's a loser. Hopefully in a couple years I will be that guy who grabs politicians by the arm and says, "Alright, that's enough. Wrap it up."*

4. It's been over 3 months since I've been in Cleveland. I believe this is a new record. It's the little things I miss. Like this Norton's Furniture commericial:

In finding this video, I found a MySpace account (myspace.com/nortonsfurniture) that may or not belong to the guy who does the commericals. My favorite line:
"About me: I sell furniture...I own a store called Norton Furniture...We have large mannequins at our store so your children won't get bored while you're looking for furniture...We also have free bread...."
Also in the background, an audio player blasts "We Built This City on Rock and Roll" (get it, because its Cleveland).

But that's not all I miss, of course. There's also the airport shootings! From CNN.com:
CLEVELAND, Ohio (AP) -- A man who argued with workers at an airport ticket counter grabbed a police officer's gun and shot a patrolman before he was killed by another officer Thursday, authorities said.

The patrolman was shot twice in the chest but was in stable condition, authorities said. Another officer was treated for a bite to his neck by the suspect, Police Chief Michael McGrath said.

Other big Cleveland news that you don't care about includes on-location filming of SpiderMan 3, the ritualistic killing of a nun, and a poll that shows only 33% of the state thinks Bush is doing an excellent or good job. Among Black respondents, ZERO PERCENT think he's doing excellent and only 2% replied good (the margin of error is 4% BTW). Also our Republican governor, Bob Taft, has an approval rating of, I'm not kidding, 18% (Survey USA).

5. For reasons way too numerous to explicate* here, politics is driving me nuts. I spend at least three hours every day reading political blogs, thinking up campaign slogans, and keeping up with the latest Republican scandals. Even as I'm sitting here, I have bright post-it-notes of political strategy shining back at me.

So I have made a major decision. No politics for the next two weeks. No DailyKos. No MyDD. No Crooks and Liars. No Media Matters. Not even any TheDemIM. Let me deal with graduating college before I save the world.

6. Obviously the issue pressing most on my mind is that in exactly one month, college ends. There's not much I can say about this that hasn't already been said. Instead, I offer this comic of Stewie from Family Guy making fun of South Park (for the uninformed, SPark did a 2-part ep making fun of FamGuy's formulaic structure. From ubersite.com/m/86636 (submitted by Razor):

they must have sensed my affinity for dancing

2006-04-25T15:35:00.000-05:00

ok, just a quick thing or two (feel free to push this down, brandon) .

1) congratulations to addie, will and off the beat for making it the brown front page, you guys are pretty much awesome at radio.

2) i was just informed that i won the "grand prize" for taking the senior survey. i have never won a "grand prize" before, so i'm a little let down that this usually once-in-a-lifetime occurrence has gotten me a handful of tickets for and a table at the campus dance instead of something like several million dollars.

but, hey, i won.

some misfortune surely waits around the corner, this smells like a set-up.

on hypocrisy and lucero

2006-04-17T21:53:00.000-05:00

apparently a week or two ago, a certain mr. smallberg gave a speech telling people that they should blog.

michael, michael, michael. how on earth did you give such a speech when this blog has barely seen your presence? i think you better start backing up your words. i'm calling you out.

ALSO:

lucero is playing in providence tomorrow at jake's. i expect any reader of this blog who is "of the legal drinking age" to be there. it's free, so no excuses.

Oh Happy Day (but only one day)

2006-04-13T15:43:00.000-05:00

I'm just jumping on the Nathan heartwarming news bandwagon at this point but:
1. My thesis is DONE!!!
After 64 pages of hegemonic masculinity, phallic power challenges and televisual realities, it's finally over.

2. My Econ concentration is DONE!!!
Turns out I don't have to even pass race econ, I already finished enough classes. That means...

3. I'm gonna GRADUATE!!!
There comes a point where you will exhale...
Plus Jasmine from home is coming down to Providence for all of senior week.

4. Reality TV is CRAZY!

Flavor of Love:

Pumkin (sic) is engaged... to a woman.

New York could be getting her own show.
Flavor of Love 2 is beginning pre-production.

Big Brother:

BB2 is AMAZING after you've jogged.
This summer's BB7 will be an all-star edition. HOLY SHIT!!!
My picks - Eddie and Will-Mega from BB1,
Dr. Will, Nicole, Mike Boogie, and Monica from BB2,
Lisa, Danielle, and Marcellus from BB3,
Allison and Erica from BB4,
Marvin and Drew from BB5,
and Ivette, Jannelle, and Howie (sorry Kaysar) from BB6.

That's 5 black people out of 16 so it'll never happen.

5. Stand-up comedy act #3 SATURDAY at 9p.
A sneak peek: I make fun of white people.

UPDATED (4/13): My computer is dying again. AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!

Hired, sort of.

2006-04-12T18:07:00.000-05:00

Robert Scholes, Textual Power
Originally uploaded by cdhu.

Perhaps I'm only posting so that Brandon will feel okay about bumping down Nathan, but for what it's worth: I'll be in New Haven this summer interning for Yale University Press, in the Acquisitions Editorial division. After that, I'm not so sure. Scholarly publishing is what I think I "want to do after college," so I guess this is a start.

I've been reading the Brown Daily Jolt forums a lot, and I've been fixated by this thread about conflict between the sciences and the humanities, and the class implications of majoring in certain things. Although I think most of these analyses (or at least the simplistic humanities=rich, science=poor approach) get it wrong, the whole idea that academic disciplines could be a proxy for talking about class and class tension at Brown is really interesting to me.

So, by way of conclusion: the picture is of a great Robert Scholes book, published by Yale UP, which is about teaching theory in English courses.

HIRED!

2006-04-10T09:48:00.000-05:00

i win!

i have a job!

aquafresh extreme clean

2006-04-09T23:19:00.000-05:00

i think i should post, because i have not for a while. though really i should be posting on my other blog which i have also been neglecting of late. i am a two-blog man, the servant of two mistresses.

this coming week promises to be eventful in a variety of arenas. i have another (phone) interview for the same job early in the week, i will be getting the thesis draft back, and i am expecting a much needed paycheck. much needed. sono molto povero oggi.

by blogging, i am also neglecting an italian paper i should be writing. we were allowed to choose our own topics; i chose the city of trieste. i've never visited but i've enjoyed it for some time because its name is one letter from "sad" in italian. it is a city constantly on the brink of sorrow. god forbid that central "e" ever blow away. i chose to write about it though because it is easy to research on wikipedia and i already wrote about sergio leone for italian 30.

and, because monday has officially arrived, there are only 8 days until lucero comes to providence to play for free. i will bring a small army of friends and the easily influenced to this show.

this dog represents the sorrow that could await trieste

Not thesis-sing.

2006-04-04T16:28:00.000-05:00

Since Brandon's busy writing his thesis, I'll "step up to the plate" with a practical and fun political link: Rifuture.org asked the Democratic Senate candidates 25 questions, and they responded thusly. If you didn't already know, Carl Sheeler is hilarious.

Plus:
The LRB's letters page is blowing up over this article on "The Israel Lobby," which the publication's editor has since admitted was inappropriately capitalized. Aside from the actual issues at hand, I always love a good "I'm so angry--cancel my subscription!" letter. I had always dreamed of being able to write a great one to The Nation about how I'd been a subscriber for six decades, but then I let my subscription run out last year (through neglect, rather than outrage) after only four years.

Thesis-ing

2006-04-02T15:45:00.000-05:00

I'm so cool - John Edwards' official blog has a link to my TheDemIM Fantasy Campaign Manager: John Edwards post. From blog.oneamericacommittee.com:
Don't know who this piece is written by but it's an informative discussion of the coming race. The "Fantasy Campaign Manager" presents his/her arguments in three parts, scroll down the page to start with the March 17, 2006 piece. DemIM has interesting thoughts for all political junkies. It is biased towards Edwards, but it gives some sobering appraisals of what the race is shaping up to be at this early stage.
April Fool's Day exists to promote the illusion that you are safe from getting serv'd the other 364 days of the year. Suck on that Baudrillard.
There's this website called wordcount.org that shows in order the top 86,800 frequently used words. You can also search for words to see where they are on the list.

They have this new service called query count that shows in order the most frequently searched words on wordcount. Meta huh? Anyways, the top fifteen:
1. sex
2. the
3. love
4. shit
5. god
6. i
7. cunt
8. ass
9. a
10. pussy
11. penis
12. vagina
13. jesus
14. dog
15. john
So I'm about halfway done with my thesis. Honestly, when I first applied for it, I thought I'd only be about a quarter of the way through with a week to go. Then again, maybe I set my expectations too low.

Ass is Huge

2006-03-30T21:08:00.000-05:00

It's been awhile since anyone's posted so I thought I throw some shit at the wall and see if it sticks.

The Dem IM is updated with my PS182 paper for Schiller - How Edwards Will Win (and is the only one who can win) in 2008.
The FCC recently fined CBS $3.6 million for an episode of "Without A Trace" with a (very tame) teen orgy scene. Among the utterances on other shows that were not fined:
“hell,” “damn,” “bitch,” “pissed off,” “up yours,” “ass,” “for Christ’s sake,” “kiss my ass,” “fire his ass,” “ass is huge,” and “wiping his ass.”
New Hampshire was awesome - more to come on that.

Alright, enough procrastinating, back to thesis-ing.

UPDATE 4/1 - (via Kos) - "A blog dedicated to rating every single taco in Los Angeles. I mean this in all seriousness -- this is blogging at its finest."

|

2006-03-23T17:09:00.000-05:00

today i told teach for america what i thought of them: that i don't want to be a member of their organization.

really, i should have done this a while ago because then i wouldn't have had to show up there at 8:30, before the other interviewees were to arrive, simply to apologize for leading them on. while this narrows my pending post-graduation job options from 2 to 1 (one that i won't know about for a few weeks), it's probably good. good in that i don't want to be a teacher over the next two years.

time is less and less on my side (perceptually) with each passing day, and i'm sure i'm not alone in this sentiment.

i am listening to the drive-by truckers. why? because i can.

i am in new york

2006-03-21T20:11:00.000-05:00

indeed.

Knocking My Own Posts Down

2006-03-15T19:56:00.000-05:00

Photos from my dad's unexpected journey to Providence:

Sanders Kleinfeld immediately after being mauled by some "low-intensity" team. Note Michael's lightning bolt sideburns.*

The Grouse (minus Kartik, plus Lisa) at Bugaboo Creek. My dad chose the Creek over Garden Grille because it was "more Canadian." We didn't see any bear-people this time around.

Brandon and myself after losing in a shootout. Brandon would have been the hero if I hadn't fucked up my shot.*

* Consolation: Utterly destroying AEPi in our next match.

"Here's the Thing: We Started Out Friends..."

2006-03-15T19:32:00.000-05:00

...It was cool, but it was all pretend:

Nasty rumors: Likes young French boys, drives a Porsche, wrote The Political Unconscious on coke.

From Archaeologies of the Future:
"As for ethics, however, it would not seem particularly necessary, after Nietzsche, to argue its regressiveness; but perhaps Nietzche's point is only reinforced by the perpetual necessity of doing so [2]."

"[2] Terry Eagleton objects to this position (see After Theory); but rather than engaging in debates about "human nature," I would prefer to point to the disastrous results of ethical politics, such as those of the Second International (or even the American New Left in the 1960s)."

Nasty rumor: Owns more houses than the Queen.

From Eagleton's review of Archaeologies of the Future:
"Jameson is notoriously averse to moral thought, and vents his hostility to it at one point in this book. Ethics, in his opinion, is a simplistic opposition of good and evil, one which stands in for historical and political investigation. He thus shares George W. Bush's view of ethics, the only difference between the Marxist and the neo-conservative on this score being that Bush approves of such simple-minded oppositions whereas Jameson does not."

Don't Get Any Ideas

2006-03-15T13:35:00.000-05:00

Police: Man Pulls Gun After Oatmeal Prank

LA CROSSE, Wis. -- A 20-year-old man who awoke after a party to find himself covered in syrup and dry oatmeal is the one facing a criminal charge after authorities say he turned a gun on the man who admitted pulling the prank.Witnesses told police they were just trying to "get even" with Travis Maassen for pranks he had pulled in the past few days, according to a criminal complaint.

he had dumplings like a truck (truck truck)

2006-03-11T19:05:00.000-05:00

HIStory is written by the victors. I come before you as a loser. This is not history. This is a dire warning.

Do not challenge Nathan in an eating contest. "Hella" does not even begin to describe how many dumplings he ate this afternoon. He is a fancy dumpling-eating man. His secret is not chewing. After shaming you he will threaten to fight you. He is to be feared.

On another note, while flipping through my camera I found this picture, which I have never seen before. I might have taken it with a tummy full of Schlitz, but I do not like trees, I do not like bikes, and I especially do not like bikes with baskets. If you know anything about the origins of this picture, please help. Its existence confuses and angers me.

mystery music on my computer

2006-03-07T16:55:00.000-05:00

i have downloaded a lot of music in the past few months and it all goes into a folder enigmatically titled "New Folder." i went in there to retrieve the new destoryer album (no it's not quite as good as everyone says, but still a nice thing) and i noticed a series of songs by "no artist" on "no album." i added them to the itunes and i'm listening to them right now. it turns out its damien jurado so i'm pleased.

but the strange thing is that it has only songs that allmusic.com, google, and DJ's website do not recognize and different versions of his other work.

have i stumbled across a leaked album? an unreleased recording session? i'm no damien jurado scholar, but this discovery pleases me.

his music is better than his picture suggests.

The Great Living Room Fight 1.0

2006-03-04T17:33:00.000-05:00

Upcoming Trife

2006-03-02T20:56:00.000-05:00

Friday
Stand-Up Comics
Saloman 001, 9p

I won't be performing but this Asian will. Show up.

Saturday
Brown vs. Penn
Pizz, 7p

Last Brown Home Game of the Year.
The Brown Bear. The Penn Quaker (maybe). Trouble.

Coming Soon:The Great Living Room Fight!

2006-03-02T18:10:00.000-05:00

don't catch the reference?

Name Your Price

2006-03-01T18:25:00.000-05:00

NOTE: This is gonna be one of those serious, boring postings. This might be a good time to consult the aggreblog or The Dem IM.

There are many things in life for which I am not proud. This, of course, is true of just about everyone but more difficult for me because I try to live by the creed that there is nothing to fear but fear itself and nothing to be ashmaed of but the fear of shame.

Perhaps put more simply by Tyler Durden in Fight Club:

"It's only after you've lost everything that you're free to do anything... No fear, no distractions, the ability to let that which does not matter truly slide."

At some point this mentality conflicts with another of my primary beliefs: loyalty trumps all. In this case, loyalty not only to others but to identities and communities. That is, not only would I protect my friends at all costs but I would protect what it means to be a man, or Black, or from Cleveland, or a Democrat at all costs.

I find this conflict becomes relevant primarily among my comedy and my politics. I have been able to squash* most of my issues with my comedy by framing it in a post-PC/meta-bigot context that allows me to make fun of structures rather than people. This tactic worked well for Dave Chapelle... for awhile:

The third season hit a big speed bump in November 2004. He was taping a sketch about magic pixies that embody stereotypes about the races.

The black pixie—played by Chappelle—wears blackface and tries to convince blacks to act in stereotypical ways. Chappelle thought the sketch was funny, the kind of thing his friends would laugh at. But at the taping, one spectator, a white man, laughed particularly loud and long. His laughter struck Chappelle as wrong, and he wondered if the new season of his show had gone from sending up stereotypes to merely reinforcing them. "When he laughed, it made me uncomfortable," says Chappelle. "As a matter of fact, that was the last thing I shot before I told myself I gotta take fucking time out after this. Because my head almost exploded." [TIME Magazine]

Recently Chapelle did an interview on Inside the Actors Studio that was hyperreal** and said about his abrupt exit:

Mr. Chappelle said his father, who died in 1998, then relented and encouraged him to act. "But," he remembers his father saying, "name your price in the beginning. If it ever gets to be more expensive than the price you named, get out of there."

"Thus," says Mr. Chappelle with a flourish, "Africa."

That's not to say I'm about to hop a flight to Namibia* but there is always that underlying fear that I will sell out either my loyalty or my balls. It seems the only way to avoid doing so is to "name my price in the beginning."

I'm not so concerned about this on the comedy front but on the political front I've gotta think this through. As I've argued in Schiller's class, the Democrats could reinstate slavery and I'd be hesitant to vote Republican. I suppose I meant that tounge-in-cheek but its actually more true than it should be. I have been and always wanted to be a political hack, not a policy wonk (shut up, I'm not a nerd). As such, I don't really care what we do when we are in control, I just want to get us in control.

It is almost guaranteed that in ten years when President Manchin (yeah, I said it) is ruling over Hackett's Democratic House and Graham's Republican Senate, I'll have a mid-life crisis over what I have done and for what reasons. "What was the point?" I'll think. "Is this really better than it was before?" "What did I want to happen before anyways?" I need to name my price.

kartik: breaks hearts like chairs

2006-02-28T15:00:00.000-05:00

make new hammer friends: mc hammer on blogging

2006-02-24T13:27:00.000-05:00

so i've taken up playing the mouth harp again. it is indeed a funny sounding instrument. i can produce a variety of tones, but the problem is i have nothing to play. there are not good mouth harp songs out there so i end up mostly just making eerie noises that i'm sure have confused kartik.

if you've encountered me at the gcb lately and i have you pegged as someone who knows computer stuff (in contrast to me), i've probably talked to you about the aggreblog idea. well just the other day technorati released a "favorites" feature, which when combined with the free services of a conveniently named site "rss-to-javascript.com," has enabled me to make something along the lines of what i had envisioned for this aggreblog. the result is now in this blog's sidebar toward the bottom. it is supposed to show a brief excerpt of blogs of people we know, in order of which post was most recently posted. unfortunately it does not work as it is supposed to. in fact, it seems that technorati greatly prefer's kevin's stockholm syndrome over any other blog. it completely ignores any other blog on the list when it posts.
c'mon technorati, get your shit together.

in a final note. i'm off to what will surely be the biggest party in danvers massachusetts tonight. my step-mother is hosting a party for her extended family. no tamil-tiger themed festivities, it'll be all hardcore north shore for me tonight.

oh! oh! look at this blog. it is MC HAMMER'S BLOG. he signs every post with "-hammertime"

"The engine and power of the movement is the blog. The blog will allow us to link hand in hand, one to another. Even those who are not Hammer Fans but appreciate blogging's empowerment are welcomed supporters. The blog is our commonality. My goal is to connect with Hammer Fans. Make new Hammer friends and meet with like minds. Those who believe in God, family and community. Through the blog I will eliminate sensationalism. You will have access to my many thoughts and truly get to know me without an intermediate."
-MC Hammer

steve francis: or, rhetoric practice

2006-02-22T21:11:00.000-05:00

The NBA’s biggest payroll just got bigger. Because of today's trade, three time All-Star Orlando Magic (and formerly Houston Rockets and Maryland Cardinal) shooting guard Steve “Franchise” Francis will fly to New York tomorrow, where the cruel burden of the Knicks’ 15-37 record—their worst since 1985—will fall instantly on his 29-year-old shoulders.
In New York more than anywhere else people think they can buy their way out of anything—pain, cultural subordination, sexual inadequacy, Queensbridge, political scandals, trouble, etc. Athletic mediocrity is a complicated virus, though. If the Yankees’ success is so despised in part because they give bodily, nationally televised form to the Machiavellian ethos of enough money being able to do anything, the Knicks’ hardships are an argument for the unpredictability of any investment. To watch them play this season is to walk in on a young married couple careening toward divorce only weeks after moving into the 5-bedroom “house of their dreams”. People hate Steinbrenner for many reasons, but more than anything, I think, they hate coming to terms with his being right: if you spend enough money and acquire enough talent, so his strategy goes, you will end up winning. The Yankees win. The Knicks do not—at least since the turn of the century. And they have the largest payroll in the NBA.

Of course, these are different sports. Baseball celebrates distance, reticence, and lack of eye contact. The starting lineup may rub their scrotal derma together in the dugout, but when they go up to bat, they are individuals—Imperialists?—who neither want nor need anyone’s help. They are, in short, profoundly insecure. Basketball, by contrast, despite Reebok’s best efforts, is a game of ten, and necessarily so. The choreography and proximity of the players enables a game where one is defined not by his self but by his relation to others. [2005 NBA MVP Steve Nash’s favorite book, you ask? The Communist Manifesto.] The difference between playing baseball and basketball with a group of strangers is that, whether good or ill, one’s post-game feelings toward the other basketball players will be of a temperature that baseball’s introspective lull cannot match. And while there is no “I” in TEAM, words like HIT, PITCH, INNING, and STEROIDS are another matter. I'll let Steve himself take care of the end of my argument, which had something to do with beauty. (See accompanying photo.) In light of this it makes sense that a team as talented as this year’s Knicks can perform so poorly. The question is whether Steve Francis, a veteran compared to the rest of the squad, can lift them from the floor of the Eastern Conference. I know little about him except that he has a foul mouth, 42” vertical, and committed 21 technical fouls in 2004-5: great material for the Post and Daily News, but can it pave a road to truth-redemption?

To Do List (Updated 2/21/06)

2006-02-21T04:14:00.000-05:00

Completed Thus Far

Figure out how to win the house in the 2006 elections. (Done plus a new post on narrative strategy.)
Perform my first on-campus stand-up act. (Done, next show this Friday)
Clean the bathroom. (Done)
Cathay Cathay. (Delicious)
Drunken Karaoke.
Take Pictures. (Done, proof below.)

Mike, should have some more coming soon. I have been careful to show discretion in my choice of pictures. I hope Mike will do the same.

FTR.

2006-02-20T12:46:00.000-05:00

- The Average Joe 2 finale did not, in fact, change my life.

- Brandon has taken to wearing a black ski mask with an orange NBC 10 headband (one of the set we won through our Providence Winter Olympics exploits the other night). I wish I had a picture of this masterful ensemble, which might be politely called a "mindfuck." It's one part suburban housewife, one part TV news reporter, one part Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, three parts Hamas, and a dash of Ulster Volunteer Force. Truly frightening.

- Can anyone out there in the blogosphere send Ellen advice about how to circumvent Chinese government firewalls and gain access to Blogger URLs? I can't rest easy thinking that state repression may actually be more powerful than the 'sphere.

just kidding!

2006-02-17T11:38:00.000-05:00

in a surprising move, my much planned for oral surgery has been cancelled at the last minute (about 10 minutes before it was supposed to happen).

so while this delays my weekend of pain for another month or two, this throws a few other things into confusion.

i will be returning to providence this afternoon/evening when i had fully expected, up until a couple hours ago, to be deleriously grasping for prescription pain-killers.

a weekend without wisdom

2006-02-16T16:25:00.000-05:00

this weekend while my roommates explore the untold glories of little compton, rhode island, my mandibular fate will be in the hands of the men at salem-peabody oral surgery. i will spend my long weekend in extended pain and drug-induced stupors, and all this with possible nerve damage. it was not very wise of my wisdom teeth to not grow in like normal teeth.

recently i have gotten into the habit of making themed itunes playlists using the collective music libraries of this apartment. my most recent creation is "rivers, and how to traverse them (boats & bridges)" unfortunately for those interested in such a playlist, it is only available to the very select population of people connected to our specific network hub.

when tomorrow morning rolls around, spare a thought or a prayer for my lower jaw nerve.

The Blizzard of 2/11/06.

2006-02-12T18:51:00.000-05:00

As Hamas' recent electoral victory has taught us, the world can still produce exhilarating, destructive surprises. Last night, as Providence was gradually cloaked in white (a non-threatening, wintry counterpoint to the ebullience of Hamas green?), the Grouse played host to, among other things: the bhanghra-induced destruction of our neon Amstel Light sign; a furious dance-off featuring two of the blogosphere's most consequential tastemakers, sending this blogger, who had hitherto single-handedly sustained the dance floor, fleeing like an armless Grendel from the mead hall; two heartfelt renditions of "Since You've Been Gone"; and birthday-boy Nathan performing the "mashed potato" to Lightning Bolt.

Which is to say: fears regarding Trife's immanent demise are, for the moment at least, forestalled.

Upcoming Trife

2006-02-09T19:49:00.000-05:00

Friday
5ishPM: Drunken Ice Skating (Downtown)

How could trife not ensue?

9PM: Brown Stand-Up Comics (Saloman 001)

Come see the act described as "really fucking dirty" by the members of Phi Psi

Saturday
7PM: Brown Basketball vs. Columbia (Pizzitola)

My Hero:
"On Tuesday night Robbie the Bobby, Bury's mascot was sent off for the third time this season after arousing the ire of the referee by "mooning" at visiting Bristol City supporters and encroaching into the opposing manager's technical area...

In the past few months he has also mooned at Stoke City supporters and - in his attempts to prove he is the toughest mascot in the league - traded blows with Bartley the Bluebird of Cardiff City...

Other recent miscreants include Cyril the Swan, who was confined to the stands after invading the pitch - having previously thrown a pork pie on the playing area during a cup tie against West Ham.

Also to be found on the roll call of disgraced mascots are Wolfie, from Wolverhampton Wanderers and H'Angus from Hartlepool United.

Wolfie had a disagreement with three little pigs - even though they were not even linked with the club's opponents, Bristol City, but a local double-glazing firm. H'Angus's charge sheet includes cavorting with a blow-up doll during an away match at Blackpool and allegedly simulating sex behind a female steward at Scunthorpe.

10ishPM: Party (17 Thayer)

Details to come...

Sunday
After the Vomiting Stops: Cleaning Party

Self-Explanatory

Monday
9PM: 24 and 40's (17 Thayer)

My first 40 since Super Bowl XL-Hands

Plan accordingly.

on a side note, hank williams made good songs

2006-02-07T20:46:00.000-05:00

not to say i'm bored. i just think this is a pretty nice diagram. and the whole anxiety thing sure does hit close to home.

To Do List

2006-02-04T18:05:00.000-05:00

My "Must Do Before I Graduate" To Do List
Academic

Pass All of My Classes.
Write my Thesis (Masculinity, Power, and Televised Reality - due April 7).
TA22 (Persuasive Communication) - Learn and apply rhetorical tricks other than "You're wrong but continue."
EC137 (Race & Econ) - Learn from the sins of a Black conservative.
PS182 (Parties and Interest Groups) - Don't piss off Schiller.
MC230 (TV and Sex) - Steal ideas to use in my thesis (and futon).

Political

Set up Political War Room.
Get a job at the DSCC, DCCC, SDCC, DSOC, DNC or anywhere in DC.
~~Figure out how to win the house in the 2006 elections.~~ (DONE)
Play fantasy politics on The Dem IM.

Extracurricular

Have a fun and memorable Spring Break somewhere other than RI or OH. (Amsterdam? New Hampshire?)
~~Perform my first on-campus stand-up act.~~
Naked snow angels: Part IV.
Get Chris Hu to fart (preferably on someone).
Drink at the Ratty.
Make peace with women.
Be the best Black hockey/soccer intramural goalie in the history of Brown University.
Take pictures.
Starf*ck.
Go in "The Cave" and be disappointed.
2 words: 40's & HBO-on-demand.
Clean the bathroom.
Get one last meal from each of the Thayer Street restaurants.
Drunken karaoke.
Streak an a capella concert.
Cathay Cathay.
The 'Kings' Rematch.
Tell friends that I appreciate them.
Drink or smoke with a cop or faculty member.
See everyone at least once a week.
Keep Woonie and my other housemates alive.

are these related?or: adaptation or death for old-timey communication systems

2006-02-02T01:49:00.000-05:00

it seems we have a new breed of carrier pigeon that's keeping up with the times while the telegram is having it's worst year in a while.

God returns to Anfield.

2006-01-31T20:25:00.000-05:00

An arch pessimist by habit, I rarely allow myself to believe that seemingly irretrievable situations (Robbie Fowler's career, for example) can be salvaged. And yet, sometimes there are exceptions. Not that this makes me believe in luck or nothin'.

Return of the jew-di

2006-01-29T22:38:00.000-05:00

Ok people. I get the idea. You nagged me. You passively aggressed me. You poked me like a Pillsbury Dough Boy. You even sent a burglar here to intimidate/rape/sing gently to me. I now live in a neverending state of blogosfear. So I guess the time has come to post.

A night of Chinese food has created gas where there was once coherence, so I can't promise much. In fact, I can only ruminate about two topics I hold dear to me: cats and British politics. Luckily, the two converged this winter break on Celebrity Big Brother in the UK. In case you missed this gem of a story, allow me to recap.

For those who don't know, "Gorgeous" George Galloway is the sole MP from a party called RESPECT: Respect, Equality, Socialism, Peace, Environmentalism, Community, and Trade unionism. He made headlines in recent years after the Labour party expelled him and the Daily Telegraph implicated him in the Oil fod Food scandal (in response to a Senate investigation he called committee Chairman Norm Coleman a "lickspittle" of George W. Bush).

Earlier this month he starred on CBB along with Dennis Rodman, actress Rula Lenska, and other wayward souls. At one point the producers told Galloway and Lenska that one of them would have to act like a cat in order to secure food and drinks for their housemates. You can probably guess where this is going:

George: "Would you like me to be the cat?"

Rula: "Yes please."

[George proceeds to clamber down on to the rug beside Rula, and purrs throughout the exchange.]

Rula: "Here pussy, pussy, pussy, yes...more tickles it's OK...Oooh little pussy cat, there there pussy cat..."

[George slowly licks his lips.]

Rula: "You stay there, I'll get you some milk, you like that don't you..."

[Rula pretends to get some milk. George is now on all fours, lapping pretend cream from Rula's cupped hands.]

Rula: "Yes, good pussy cat...that's right, delicious! Good girl, good girl..."

[George licks his lips and moustache.]

Rula: "You've got cream all over your whiskers."

[She rubs his sideburns and says: "Good pussy cat." George nuzzles into her lap and starts purring. Rula strokes his head and behind his ears.]

Rula: "Oooh yes, has it been a trying day with all those people coming into the house, has it? You just like being alone with your mummy, don't you?"

Needless to say, it was something of a PR catastrophe. Labour MP Steven Pound assured Galloway that he would have "a saucer of milk waiting for him and a litter tray" upon his return to Parliament. Galloway was pleased that his appearance had raised money for charity, but conceded that his goal of "engaging with younger people" remains to be seen.

P.S. I bet this movie isn't playing at your theater back home.

Upcoming Trife

2006-01-27T00:07:00.000-05:00

I've been planning a to-do list for this semester but in the meantime I want to provide an upcoming events list so that the folk can plan their trife accordingly:

Friday
7:00p: Brown Basketball v. Dartmouth @ Pizz

Saturday
7:00p: Brown Basketball v. Harvard @ Pizz
Parties over Lee's and Mike Sa.'s

Monday
8:00p: 24 w/ a 40 @ 17 Thayer

Tuesday
Lisa's Birthday
State of the Union

just in case you wanted more...

2006-01-27T00:06:00.000-05:00

oh, and apparently the library wants me to return a thousand plateaus after it being in my possesion for just two days. two days! they should really just have more than one copy of this book.

think happy thoughts

2006-01-23T02:02:00.000-05:00

Meta-Blogging*

2006-01-21T01:49:00.000-05:00

(from the artist formerly known as He Hate Me)
I have a confession. I have been cheating on the Grouse. A couple of weeks ago I started my own political blog - The Democratic Instant Message (theDemIM.blogpot.com). Basically the idea of the blog is to play out my fantasies of being the Democratic Party's Karl Rove. I'll continue to blog here, of course, but you will now be spared of my political ramblings on the Grouse.

On an unrellated topic, everyone should see "The 4o Year Old Virgin" at their earliest possible convenience. It is absolutely hilarious and interesting in its approach to meta-bigotry (AKA post-PC) humor. This a topic about which I've blogged previously that continues to intrigue me.

It might be that I am being overly-elitest or a result of going to school with a bunch of stupid racist white people but post-PC shows often make me feel uncomfortable because I think the vast majority of people don't 'get' the joke.

From a letter on AndrewSullivan.com:

In fact, Chappelle himself cited this phenomenon as one of the contributing factors to him leaving his show midway through the 3rd season. Below from Time:
The third season hit a big speed bump in November 2004. He was taping a sketch about magic pixies that embody stereotypes about the races.
The black pixie—played by Chappelle—wears blackface and tries to convince blacks to act in stereotypical ways. Chappelle thought the sketch was funny, the kind of thing his friends would laugh at. But at the taping, one spectator, a white man, laughed particularly loud and long. His laughter struck Chappelle as wrong, and he wondered if the new season of his show had gone from sending up stereotypes to merely reinforcing them. "When he laughed, it made me uncomfortable," says Chappelle. "As a matter of fact, that was the last thing I shot before I told myself I gotta take fucking time out after this. Because my head almost exploded."
It's difficult to quantify, but the best example I can give is when I watched some Chappelle skits with some southern relatives of mine who would be charitably described as racist. I couldn't figure out why they were laughing at what was clearly a sketch written to make fun of people with attitudes and beliefs exactly like theirs (The blind, black KKK sketch). I noticed they were laughing not only at the wrong time, but for what appeared to be for the wrong reasons. Later, when they were quoting what they considered the "funny" parts of the skit, it wasn't what everyone "in on the joke" was quoting.

At this point I really want to ask our readers if they "get the joke" or not but I doubt someone would volunteer the fact that they enjoy watching the re-enforcemnet of stereotypes. Besides me.

Life is Hard Enough When You Belong Here: Notes Towards an Investigation

2006-01-20T02:11:00.000-05:00

Moray Eel
Originally uploaded by cdhu.

I've checked my bedroom thoroughly, and it seems as if our would-be burglar, despite going through every room in the basement (including the "hole room" and my weird little closet), made off with absolutely nothing. This, however, has not prevented us from forming an apartment-wide militia to beef up our defenses.

We just got done sweeping the laundry room with a whole posse of folks, including among other people an umbrella-wielding Kartik, a Maglite-toting Nathan, and former Indy ilustrations editor Alison Brockhouse. My weapon of choice was a hockey stick jerry-rigged with hockey tape and a box cutter to form a makeshift bayonet.

And of course, if any future intruders get through me and my Civil War-style weaponry, they'll have to deal with the MORAY EEL!

beep BEEP beep BEEP beep (Completed)

2006-01-17T21:28:00.000-05:00

Yesterday was, by far, the most exciting day of 2006 for me. The following takes place between 3:23PM and 11:23PM.

3:23:21 - The 6th seed (and Cleveland Browns archrival) Steelers are beating the 1st seed Colts 21-3 after 3 quarters. If you don't know what that means, just trust me that it's a really big deal and a really big shock. I'm talking to Eddie over IM:

Colo KUNTry kid: i was an asshole, got into a bar fight, got detained by the cops--officially i was not arrested
Colo KUNTry kid: only cause charges werent pressed against me

Sounds about right.

4:20:18 - Steelers 21, Colts 18. 1 minute, 33 seconds left. The Colts have one last shot to drive down the field and take the lead but turn the ball over on downs. If the Steelers just sit on the ball, they'll win the game. My mom begins dreading the inevitable phone call from my Steelers-loving Uncle to gloat.

4:24:13 - HOLY SHIT! Steelers running back Jerome Bettis fumbles the balls and the Colts return the ball to midfield. The Colts would've scored but the Steelers quarterback makes the game-saving tackle. Me and my dad argue whether the Colts guy could have scored if he cut back to the sideline.

4:32:27 - Former XFL MVP and Steelers backup quarterback Tommy Maddox consoles Bettis for blowing the season for the Steelers as the Colts get ready to attempt the game-tying field goal.

4:35:31 - HOLY SHIT! HE MISSED IT! COLTS LOSE! HOLY SHIT!

4:47:07 - I check my cell phone and I have three missed calls. Two from Nathan, one from Chris. I check my voicemail and recieve the following cryptic message:

FIRST MESSAGE, URGENT MESSAGE - Uh, hey, Brandon. It's Nathan. Uh, you should call me or Kartik. Uh, it's pretty important. Uh, so, yeah, as soon as you get
this, call. Bye.

At this point, I realize that Mike is pretty seriously injured and just hope that he's not dead.

4:47:36 - I call Nathan and he doesn't pick up. I call Hu and ask him for the news. He tells me that someone has broken into the house. "Is anyone dead?" I ask, he says no. I finally start breathing again. In fact, he and Lisa are going to go bowling with Mike later that week. I tell them to tell him I'm glad he's not dead.

5:13:27 - I go with the 'rents to the upscale grocery to get fish food for Woony. He's doing quite well in his new home and has been very playful and active. My parent's buy Newman's Own (named after Clevelander Paul Newman) organics dog food for Eddie. Frankly, I think that's a bit much.

6:28:47 - I have to leave the room while watching the other NFL playoff game because my mom has driven me completely nuts. You know how people say a "tie" in sports is like kissing your sister. Well, spending a week with my mom in the Bahamas is similar except replace 'sister' with 'mother' and 'kissing' and 'realizing why women are so fucking stupid and annoying and won't shut the hell up and constantly wanting to strangle.' We had a good time.

8:08:14 - 24: Season 5 is about to start. I start having trouble breathing again.

8:13:17 - President Palmer returns! Great, I missed him. This season's gonna be awesome.

8:13:27 - OH SHIT! They shot Palmer!

8:15:11 - Well at least Michelle and Tony are back.

8:15:49 - OH SHIT!

8:19:41 - As the show goes to commercial, I recieve a phone call:

Nathan: WHAT THE FUCK! HOLY SHIT! WHAT THE FUCK!

I hear Annie screaming similar thoughts in the background.

Nathan: By the way, I'm drunk. We've been drinking awhile.

10:34:27 - I recieve an e-mail telling me my Facebook wall has changed. I recieve the following IM from my favorite LaCrosse playing Republican:

Patrick Ryan wrote at 10:23pm January 15th, 2006
The Following Message takes place between 10:21:17 p.m and 10:22:48 p.m. Dude Jack Bauer, hes so pimp its unreal...so pissed President Palmer got rocked cus he was my fave, and your boy Tony doesnt look so hot but he'll pull through. Gunna be Siiick!!

11:00:17 - The craziest Boondocks episode yet has me alternately laughing hysterically and doing some uncharacteristically deep thinking (from TV.com):

"When Martin Luther King comes out of a coma after 32 years and finds himself thrust into the 21st and life in the post "September 11th" era, his "turn the other cheek" philosophy quickly takes him from beloved national hero to dispised terrorist sympathizer."

If you missed it, it comes on again Saturday at 11 on Cartoon Network. Shit is crazy.

BURGLED!

2006-01-16T13:54:00.000-05:00

so far it seems we were lucky. at least as lucky as the burgled can be. my 3:30am trip to the kitchen wearing nothing more than boxers may well have scared the person off as it looks like he(?) left in a hurry, never making it upstairs, and seemed to have committed limited - though not insignificant - damage and theft. we'll see what futher investigation reveals, however.

that hasn't stopped me from locking myself in my room as i wait for the propo to arrive and dust the place for prints (seriously! who knew they really did that?).

all in all: no good.
the grouse has shed a solitary tear