the fight is over, kids go to prison

well i signed on a lease today. two floors, jacuzzi, patio, exposed brick. it's pretty nice. here's what it basically does not look like:



my job today, and for the next couple of days it seems, was to think of different ways to tell 13 year olds that they are going to jail for 3-10 years. any suggestions?

All I Got is 2 Mikes*

No one's posted in a while so I'll chime in with a quick update of life in DC.

• Smallberg basically got three weeks off from his job (his summer internship ended but his "real job doesn't begin for a few weeks). He's back in California in the meantime so now its just me, other Mike, and Li'l Michael McDonald (the mouse). And Angela every other week or so.
  


• I caught strep throat this past week which is as awful as it sounds. I'm alright now but if I didn't return a phone call of yours over the last four days, don't take it personally.
  


• My first website launched on Thursday: TruthAboutTaylor.com. There's a whole drama behind that that I'm literally not allowed to discuss in public but next time I see you guys, I'll give you the whole story.
  


• Speaking of which, I would be surprised if I leave the DC area anytime before November 15 (when they fire me) because I'm on-call 24/7, work at least a few hours every weekend and there's no way I getting a day off except for in medical emergencies (see above). It's a lot of work. But its worth it.*
  
  Afterwards, though, I'll definitely be hanging around Brown and Cleveland for awhile and I'm considering a cross-country trip to see everybody. Anyone else interested?
  


• Me and John are putting together a political podcast. Details to come as they develop...
  


• Football is so awesome.
  


• So is Big Brother: All Stars.
  
  
• Finally, if you haven't seen this yet, it is spectacular to say the least. Smallberg and Nathan have backed me up on the fact that this is incredible. You'll never think of Mario Brothers
  the same way again (if you're lazy/busy, start with part 2, then go to part 1, then skip to part 5).
  
  
• UPDATE (8/22): "Breaking" News
  Remember this:
  

  "It's painful that you won't sleep with me! So what? I'm in love with you! Never sleep with me again. I hate it that you have a staff of thousands and tell me you have no time for me... You treat me terribly, and I'll stay in love with you. I can't help it. It's like breathing!"
  

  Breaking Bondauce 2 is coming this November. In the meantime, I'm catching up on all the good times from the past season on VSpot.
  
  And here's a fun fact: according to Wikipedia, in Latin America, the show is know as "Destrozando a Bonaduce".
  

RIP Johnny

my long-time fake facebook profile, Johnny Cash, has been "disabled by an administrator."

on this sad occasion i would like to note the following:

1. i was the first JC on the facebook

2. JC's grandson approved of the profile

3. cash mccracken, i apologize for reveling in the fact that i held cash@brown.edu for so many years. it's yours come september.

4. my other, even more secret, fake facebook profile still exists. it is not nearly as popular.

5. as the first, the most popular, and the only endorsed - thus OFFICIAL - fake facebook Johnny Cash, i choose not to excercise my natural right to endorse any other fake facebook Johnny Cash. they are not very good.

(unless cash mccracken wants to make one, how about it cash?)

------note: 8-12------

I got this e-mail in response to my request to bring Johnny back from the dead:

"Hey Nathan,

While we appreciate your feedback we must deny your request to reopen the account. When a user signs up for Facebook with an email address, the address is deemed their personal address and thus they must represent themselves truthfully as the user who owns the email address.

In addition, one of Facebook's main goals is to facilitate meaningful relationships between living people. We do not want to have a number of profiles of deceased celebrities intermingling with living users. A profile must be controlled by the person who appears on the profile.

Thanks in advance for your understanding and cooperation."

oh, lighten up facebook. haven't you ever seen night of the living dead? suspiria? clearly things will work out just fine.

at least with this profile it was the living controlling the dead rather than the dead controlling the living.

he plays the piano quite well too...

mike - ever the one to keep quiet about his skills - has been blogging at his fellowship. it's good stuff with snappy headlines like "NORAD, Lies and Audiotape."

let us hope he does not forsake his blogging roots.



i, on the other hand, have been temporarily forbidden to blog for justifiable leagal reasons.

i cannot play the piano well at all.

on rabbits and lawsuits

shit has gone down this week, in a largely entertaining way. i don't even know where to start. crazy brokers, heavy items, theivery, connecticut (3 times), lucero, rabbits...and, oh yeah, lawsuits. i'll save that one for last and go chronologically.

on monday i was off looking at apartments. i met this one broker on the street corner after waiting for a good 20 minutes and watching the neghborhood kids play stick ball. he showed up - a normal looking dude in his late 20s - and took me half a block down to a building where he showed me two places. the first was pretty decent and had just been spruced up something nice. i was feeling pretty ok, but it wasn't exactly a killer place. then we went across the hall to the other apartment.

i should have known things were not quite right when, before we went in, he explained at some length that he was the only broker showing this apartment because the landlord likes him. this is basically an unheard of deal in brooklyn i've been told, but the dude had keys, so i followed him in. there were dirty dishes in the sink, toiletries in the bathroom and generall clutter in the rest of the apartment. one of the bedrooms was clearly still being lived in - this girl had more stuff in there than i actually own. when i asked if they still lived there, the broker replied "no, they turned in the keys today, so if you take this you can have all this stuff." then he gets out this box and starts piling this girl's CDs into it and rumaging through her items, looking for things to take (he picked out one particular jacket "for his sister"). i tried to explain to him that this tenant had clearly not moved out yet and that he probably shouldn't take her stuff. he responded by encouraging me to have a CD or book.

massively creeped out, i went into the kitchen to get away from the guy. on the floor i saw a rabbit.

"hey, uh, there's a rabbit in here..."

"is it dead?"

"no...it's alive. i really think there's someone still living here."

"they turned in the keys today! this is my lucky day."

there was a free-range rabbit hanging out on the kitchen floor, which, according to this guy, would be mine along with the apartment. there was a litter box for it too. this was a civilized rabbit.

we left soon after, him with a box full of pilfered goods, me with a distinctly dirty feeling.

tuesday i went up to new haven to help my sister move. it was hovering around 100 degrees all day - except when the thunderstorm came - and i was moving heavy shit up and down stairs for a good number of hours. let's just say i have a mover lined up for when we get our place, paul.

wednesday was fun. saw alex's band.

thursday was quiet. did my laundry.

friday my company got sued. went to providence.

i suppose i can't say i'm surprised. this could be a good thing and give me greater control over my work, or it could leave me on the street handing out resumes, if not those little cards advertising adult entertainment clubs.

it's good money i hear.

due to the nature of my position i've been receiving a significant quantity of e-mails. it's all just wait and see right now.

then, tonight, i saw lucero...on a boat. they were less drunk than usual, so played a surprisingly slick set, but the crowd started to get on my nerves as i sobered up.

i have no idea what to expect from this coming week.

Triflin'

I'm at work like twelve hours a day so I think I'm allowed to goof off and watch stupid shit. Be it clips of my Big Brother hero, crazy Japanese game shows (see below), or the most trifling show of 'em all, Flavor of Love 2. Y'all have no idea how hard it is for me to contain my laughter while I'm watching this craziness. Two girls get into a catfight and try to pull out each other's weavhttp://theinfamousgrouse.blogspot.comes within the first five minutes and it only gets better from there.  The high point may be one of the girls in the fight praying to Jesus: "Lord please forgive me for beating this bitch ass." When the other girl tries to say something, the praying girl goes, "Girl you better quit interrupting my prayers before God direct me to whip yo' ass."

I'm now into my second month of cable TV withdrawl so "Flavor" is very helpful to me right now. VSpot is going to have all of the shows online the Wednesday after they air for 48 hours. The premiere episode is (obviously) already online so you should check that out now. Whether you saw the first season or missed out, if you want to see some superb text on discourses of Trife, I suggest you watch. And wait til you see the surprise twist at the end. It's something.

Some of my favorite quotes thus far:
"There's some lesbians in the house, and that's a bit much."

"In order to get to the top of things, you gotta get to the bottom of things." - Flav

"I'm 'Sumthin', bitch!" - Sumthin'

Kartik always said you don't want to get a Black woman angry...

This has been all the talk of DC:



Damn.

UPDATE (8/2): Nothing can top Elanor Holmes Norton v. Colbert (especially at the end where it looks she's gonna bitch-slap him) but this is a worthy contender. God I wish they had Japanese game shows in America: