Dear State of Ohio,
You have been the site of some of my greatest joys and deepest traumas. Above all else, though, you are my one true home. I write with great respect to ask that we change out state motto from "With God, All Things Are Possible" to "With LeBron All Things Are Possible." I make this request for several reasons.
1. Though some may put Jesus at the top of their list, anyone that can hit 2 game-winning shots in the same playoff series gets my vote for "most important."
2. Jesus died on the cross and supposedly got resurrected. I've seen, with my own 2 eyes, the Cavs seem to die a slow painful death only to see the Lord save the righteous with a lay-up with 0.9 seconds left in OT.
3. Jesus has a shitload of disciples, LeBron has a guy named Flip, a Brazilian with big hair, and a center named Zydrunas.
4. LeBron - 45 points, 7 rebounds, 6 assists, 4 miracles in 46 minutes; Jesus - whatever.
Thank you for consideration,
P.S. Give my congrats to Charlie Wilson (D-OH-6th district) for getting over 40,000 write-in votes to get the Democratic nomination in his House Race. Good work for someone who couldn't manage to get the 50 signatures he needed to get on the ballot in time. Alright, seriously, no more politics from here on out.UPDATE: 5/4: P.P.S. Our government situation may be bad in Ohio (what with all the Jim Traficant's, Bob Ney's, Jean Schmidt's, and Bob Taft's) but at least we don't have congressmen drunk driving and crashing into barriers:
From the AP and ProJo:
Rep. Patrick Kennedy [that's our rep. BTW]
has confirmed that he drove his car into a street-side barrier two blocks from the Capitol building early this morning.
The Rhode Island Democrat denied that alcohol played a factor in the 2:45 a.m. incident. He was not hurt...
A union official within the Capitol Police, Gregrey H. Baird, has complained to his superiors that some police officers who had responded to the incident were barred from giving Kennedy a field sobriety test, even though he was allegedly staggering.
In a letter to acting Police Chief Christopher McGaffin, Baird said that Kennedy nearly crashed into a police cruiser before the crash. Kennedy said he was late for a vote... The last vote of the night had occurred almost six hours earlier.
I always got a bad vibe from baby Huey. Y'know, sometimes I wonder if I'm supporting the wrong team. OK, seriously, no more politics starting now.UPDATE (5/5):
Kennedy just had a live press conference covered by all the cable news channels. He admits to a drug problem and that he doesn't even remember the crash. He's checking into rehab but plans to continue to serving the good people of Rhode Island.